The Valley Girls Go Gluten-Free

gluten free girl

So today I was gonna post an email I received recently about a fellow celiac who is really struggling. But it’s a heavy email and I thought, “C’mon Dude, it’s Friday. Let’s end the week on a somewhat humorous note.”

But what could I write about? I thought and I thought. I meditated. I did a yoga session. I took a power nap. I stood on my head. I experimented with some very powerful and very illegal drugs. I freed my mind of all outside distractions. I was in my zen moment. And still…nothing came to me.

I decided to check my Twitter feed and BOOM. I happened upon two young Valley Girl type women having a conversation about going gluten free and it was comedy gold. Well, maybe not gold but enough to keep me entertained. Until the end that is, and then I just felt kinda bad about the whole thing.

Here’s how the conversation went down…

VG #1: Thinking of doing a paleo or gluten free challenge. Something to thin me out. Also need to do more juices. Maybe a cleanse.

VG #2: gluton free thins u out at a decent speed.

VG #1: I checked the food I’m eating and realized I’m like not eating any gluten. Will have to double check though.

VG #2: do u eat gluton free deli meat? Its actually decent.

VG #1: i didn’t know deli meat had gluten !! D: i thought it was just meat.

VG #2: Usually delis will have a sign on the meat that’s gluton free.

VG #1: oh poo. then i’m already failing lol.

VG #2: I was on a gluton free diet for 2 years before I knew deli meat had gluton.

VG #1: haha, so were you really not on a gluten free diet that whole time?!

VG #2: The only thing I’d eat with gluton is deli meat, but it didn’t matter anyway cuz I was miss diagnosed with celiac.

VG #1: WAIT! all this time and you didn’t have it!? you lied to me! D:

VG #2: I thought I had celiac for 2 years but I didn’t feel any better the whole time on the diet. Such a waste…dumb doctors.

VG #1: ugh that sucks! Did they ever figure out what you have?

VG #2: no it is over now whatever it was. no one could figure it out.

VG #1: ugh. that sucks. could have just been a fluke thing you guys had and it went away.

VG #2: probably. The stomach issues went away a few years ago.

VG #1: thank god! no more gluten free crap hahaha.

Here’s why this is funny:

  • VG #2 has been gluten free for two years and still doesn’t know how gluten is spelled. One time is a typo…7 times, not so much.
  • VG #1 wants to lose weight and thinks gluten free is the answer. She lumps it in with paleo and juicing.
  • VG #2 confirms it, yet we all know it has nothing to do with losing weight.
  • They both seem to have an infatuation with deli meat.
  • VG #1 seems to think gluten free food is crap. We all know it’s some of the best food out there.

And here’s why this is not so funny:

  • The media keeps effing up our message and the masses still think gluten free is either a weight loss tool or complete BS. Very nice.
  • Her doctor never tested her for celiac. How do I know this? I asked her. She was pretty snooty to me but she did say the doc just put her on the diet without testing her first, telling her she had celiac. God…some doctors just suck.
  • She didn’t feel any better but that could be because she was still getting contaminated with deli meat and I would think other items as well. So she may very well have celiac, yet she has already moved on.
  • This type of conversation should not be happening still. Bad doctors and fad diets have got to go.

All right…looking back, maybe it’s not as funny as I first thought. Kinda sad actually. But hey…gotta laugh about things sometimes.

Enjoy the weekend folks (and yes I was kidding about taking drugs).

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27 thoughts on “The Valley Girls Go Gluten-Free”

  1. Well, it gave me a giggle not long into it. But I kind of felt sorry for these clueless gals – and mostly because they don’t even realize how clueless they are. But it truly is pretty sad that this is the kind of knowledge/awareness/etc. that is “out there” in the general public. What to do? Not a whole lot except thank Gluten Dude and others for presenting “gluten free truth” that is available if one has an inquiring mind. And now I’m going to go eat some roasted potatoes with dill and roasted green beans with slivered almonds and roasted broccoli with Panko bread crumbs and a non-“glutonized” turkey burger and wonder why I wasn’t eating like this 10 years ago because it tastes SO good. Which reminds me that when I tell folks I’ve had to go gluten-free, they always say “I noticed they have a lot of gluten-free products available now”. I don’t even bother to tell them that I don’t eat much of that stuff (ok, the Udi’s pizzas are a weakness) as non-deli meat and veggies and fruits have always been available – and I just wasn’t taking advantage of all that bountiful goodness!

  2. It gave me a giggle 🙂 I am always amused when a non-celiac says “I’m on a gluten-free diet”, then goes on to tell me about all the things they eat that I know contain gluten.

  3. Like, oh my gawd, I totally ran into these two at the grocery store last week. They, like, noticed my Chex oatmeal and said (direct quotes now) “like wow, I didn’t know Chex made gluten free oatmeal. That’s amazeballs! Can I look at the box, I’m totally not trying to take it or anything!”

    Being the good little ambassador that I try to be I happily obliged and inquired if one or both we Celiac or NCGS….

    The reply: “oh gawd no, we just don’t eat grains…but totally don’t look at what we’re buying today!” (All JUNK food)

    SERIOUSLY?!?!? Gimme my oatmeal back!

  4. Forgive me if I’m feeling cynical today, but you do know that 50% of all people are of below average intelligence? I don’t get all intellectually snobby about it; I mean some of these Valley Girls might be excellent at dog-walking, or selling lingerie, or whatever. All part of the grand scheme of life. I do wonder why deli meat would have gluten in it (but I don’t eat out much); all mine has no added nitrates or nitrates or gluten. I’ve always preferred food without too many ingredients, even before going GFDF.

  5. Celiac or not, the best information on gluten, the best advertising for GF, the best gastroenterologist, specializing in Celiac, can not fix people THAT stupid. Not that I am smart, but I sure do feel that way after reading that.

  6. GD-

    Love the new website. Gorgeous.

    Gluton? Sounds Trekky to me. Kinda like Spock and Kirk went on a mission to Planet Gluton. Or just maybe I am a Star Trek freak. meh.

    Jersey Girl

    McCoy: This is the first time in a week I’ve had time for a drop. Would you care for a drink, Mr. Spock?
    Spock: My father’s race was spared the dubious benefits of alcohol.
    McCoy: Oh. Now I know why they were conquered. What are you worried about? Jim generally knows what he’s doing.
    Spock: It was illogical for him to bring those players aboard.
    McCoy: Illogical? Did you get a look at that Juliet? That’s a pretty exciting creature. Of course your, uh, personal chemistry would prevent you from seeing that. Did it ever occur to you that he might like the girl?
    Spock: It occurred. I dismissed it.
    McCoy: You would.

  7. I don’t suppose they’d be interested in knowing about Carrageenan. After having a reaction associated with some deli meat, I saw it listed as an ingredient. So I researched it and found that Carrageenan can act like gluten. I now watch for it in all sorts of products since it’s used as a thickening and gelling agent.

    1. I wondered what it was too since its in everything so I looked it up. Its an extract of seaweed grown in some third world countries. It probably soaks up whatever pollutants are in the water it grows in. Does this sound like something we want to eat?

  8. Aren’t VG types so like OMG the best like people in the world to like listen to? I mean like they make so much like sense!

  9. I hear things like this from both sides (usually more from people who don’t know what being gluten free means though).

    One of the first things that people told me after I went gluten free after being diagnosed with celiac was “Sweetheart, you are already so thin! Please don’t go on a diet!”

    One of my friends who was diagnosed with celiac three years ago via biopsy told me last year that she “didn’t have celiac anymore” since it didn’t hurt when she ate and is now back to eating gluten…

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Who I am. And who I'm not.

Who I am. And who I'm not.

I AM someone who's been gluten-free since 2007 due to a diagnosis of severe celiac disease. I'm someone who can steer you in the right direction when it comes to going gluten-free. And I'm someone who will always give you the naked truth about going gluten free.

I AM NOT someone who embraces this gluten-free craziness. I didn’t find freedom, a better life or any of that other crap when I got diagnosed. With all due respect to Hunter S. Thompson, I found fear and loathing of an unknown world. But if I can share my wisdom, tell my stories and make the transition easier on you, I’ve done my job.

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