Thank You Glutia…I Needed the Laugh

gluten free scam

[Quick Dude note: I’ll be at Jennifer’s Way Bakery this Saturday morning hanging with the wonderful Jennifer E. If you’re in town, stop by for a bagel or two and say hello.]

So two nights ago, laying in bed thinking about where my life is right now, I had a full panic attack.

Mrs. Dude going in for major surgery next week. A pile of medical bills that have almost reached the ceiling. My first Dudette going off to her freshman year in college in 5 days.

It kinda hit me all at once. It wasn’t a pretty sight.

Yet I woke up the next morning more determined than ever…yet still a little frightened about my near future.

And then somebody sent me a link to a new product called Glutia…and I smiled…and then that smile turned into laughter.

What is Glutia you say? Well…it’s kinda like Gluten Cutter, in the fact that they both have stupid names and neither one works.

In essence, even though gluten makes certain people feel really, really bad and instead of listening to their bodies, now they can eat all the gluten they want if they just take this tiny pill (wink, wink).

But what makes Glutia even better is the way they market it. I can’t do it justice…you simply have to watch this video.

(If you can’t see the video below, you can view it here.)

What is so amazingly awesome is that they simply focus on how bad gluten-free food tastes.

I guess they have never been to Jennifer’s Way Bakery.

I guess they have never tasted Bakery On Main’s granola.

I guess they have never had meat. Or fish. Or fruit. Or vegetables. Or tequila.

It actually looks like a bad Saturday Night Live skit (which pretty much describes every skit from the past five years.)

Yes…they do have a disclaimer that it’s not for people with celiac disease. Who cares? They are simply trying to take advantage of people whose health has been compromised by gluten.

They also have a disclaimer that the “participants” in the video were compensated for their time. Yeah…that’s fair and balanced.

So I could give them a big eff you. But today…I need the smile.

Thanks Glutia…your timing was perfect.

————————————————————————————–

A closing thought for today comes from one of my favorite all time movies that inspires me every time I watch it.

“You must strive to find your own voice. Because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all. Thoreau said, “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Don’t be resigned to that. Break out!”

Find YOUR voice folks. RIP Mr. Williams. You done good in this world.

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30 thoughts on “Thank You Glutia…I Needed the Laugh”

  1. Soulless bastards.

    My best to you and the family. Looks like you all can hit the curveballs you get thrown at you.

    I’ll try on Saturday. Probably won’t be able to.

  2. Glad I could provide you with a much needed laugh. Hang in there Dude. Give my best to Mrs. Dude and the Dudettes.

    Dana

  3. Seriously, are these people stupid? I find it very hard to believe that a little pill is just going to solve the problem for people with gluten sensitivity. And they should be bloody grateful they actually have way more options out there than a Coeliac has. What a ridiculous ad and product. Another fad product for the fad diet of being gluten-free!!!!! It makes it seem like anyone who is gluten-free can just fix it by taking a pill. If only!!!!

    Karen
    Australia

  4. GD-

    Man, life blows sometimes. There are the highest highs and lowest lows. I have heard that these times really define a person. I am not sure if that is true. But if I was one traveler alone in the wood & looked down one path as far as I could, I would choose the path less traveled. I would choose this same path. Why? Because of a beautiful little girl who is roughly ten years old who stole my heart.

    xo-
    Jersey Girl

    ————————————————————————
    “You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south?
    Nothing!
    Someone is losing a trailer.”

    Robin Williams

  5. Really?? Like, really? I was speechless when I was watching the whole video. Totally agree with Karen. My goodness!

    My sister can’t stop laughing about the name though, Glutia… Hah! What a name! LOL!

    Shame on these people!

    1. Glutia! Sounds more like a sexually transmitted disease.

      “Hi Karen, we’ve run the blood tests and I’m sorry to say, you caught glutia from that guy you slept with.”

      “Oh no, I hope you have a pill I can take to just get rid of it??”

      haha just makes me laugh but also annoyed at how ignorant people are. I wouldn’t wish Coeliac Disease on anyone. Then again, maybe those who laugh at it and think it’s a joke should be struck down with it and see how they suddenly feel. Fools!!

  6. This is hilarious…

    I love how the guy states that he was eating gluten-free because it made him feel better, but he didn’t feet great after spending so much money for “cardboard”. Okay… so now he will go and eat cheaper gluen-laden food that may (or most likely not) make him feel worse, pay money for a pill that does nothing, and presto – he feels great and spent less money (or not since we don’t know how much these pills cost).

    We should all be thankful for those wonderful “natural enzymes” (wink, wink indeed).

  7. Love the name – “Glutia”. “Glut-asmic”, “glutoffee” – okay, so the last one was weak. I obviously have caffeine on the brain ie I need more.
    You’ve got a full to busting plate, GD. Break it down to one foot in front of the other. Enjoy your upcoming Saturday in “the city”. My very best to Mrs. D.

  8. Oof. I couldn’t stand to watch more than 20 seconds of that video. My gluten free baked goods taste even better than most gluten-filled counterparts, according to all of my friends/family. Such a shame for the company to spread that terrible, outdated stereotype.

  9. I must say, it is so nice to meet other Coeliac sufferers across the globe who can have a laugh at least at the shit we have to put up with.

    Karen
    Australia

  10. Oh, bummer! Everything wonderful is NOT for celiacs. I can’t eat a Dominos pizza and then take Glutia? I am heartbroken. Not. I do wonder if people who eat gluten free for weight loss can now just take Glutia, eat gluten and then some of Dr. Oz’s weight loss miracle pills?

  11. The video indeed verges on self-parody.

    None of the participants seem to be the least bit concerned with the healthiness of what they eat. It all starts and ends with how it tastes. Heaven forbid a piece of carrot or celery ever get into their bodies.

    Just another part of the lie that the faceless big-corporation food industry sells on a daily basis.

  12. Didn’t watch the Glutia video – too much fun being the “Eyeroller” instead of the “Eyerollee” this time just from your description.

    Speaking of Panic Attacks & Saturday Night Live:
    “My panic attack’s having a panic attack. It’s called a panic-anic attack. It’s worse.
    — Saturday Night Live – Penelope – Therapy

    Just left Mom’s cancer Doctor:
    Mom’s “skipping” down the sidewalk singing “come on baby let the good times roll!” after having 89% cancer cells in her bone marrow last year and stage 4 tumors all around, even her lung tumors are gone & we don’t go back again until November. Cancer Dr smiled again & said keep doing what we’re doing & “NO gluten” is now noted prominently in Mom’s medical records. I think we’re winning the Dr over to our side! Ingesting no gluten really is curing Mom of stage 4 lymphoma & we have medical science to prove it.

    Wish we could be in NYC with you & Jennifer’s Way Bakery to celebrate this weekend. Dude please tell Jennifer again how much we appreciate her. Hearing Jen E’s advocacy in answer to my prayers gets incalculable credit for Mom’s great report today!

    Still constantly remembering you, Mrs Dude & the Dudettes. Like Sue said, sometimes the only plan that works is putting one foot in front of the other, but you know we’re with you every step!

    Hap

  13. Yeah… I think not!! I’d rather just not eat gluten. This is honestly the worst advertisement I’ve ever seen. It’s so dull and boring, the testimonials aren’t believable and oh yes… are untrue.

    You are right GD, clearly they’ve never eaten meat, fish, fruit or vegetables. Well I guess we all do need a laugh every now and then :). Thanks for making my day. Lol.

  14. Well according to this article, Gluten Free is declining and Yet again Low FODMAP is the answer for Gluten Intolerance http://www.houstonchronicle.com/news/health/article/Gluten-s-stigma-declines-but-doctors-find-a-5700795.php#/0 even though it has been proven by a study now, unless you have irritable bowel syndrome FODMAP is not a healthy diet http://www.6minutes.com.au/news/latest-news/healthy-people-should-avoid-low-fodmap-diet Yet the media is jumping up and down about taking Gluten Free off the shelves of supermarkets because a diet that has been proven false in a study this year http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25016597/

    Even since Dr. Peter Gibson and Australia’s George Weston foods did a study to suggest Gluten Intolerance is FALSE, the media has been attacking Gluten Free and putting down people who know there bodies better then there own doctors. Shame on the Main Stream lying MEDIA.

  15. I’m just now coming across this blog to read your post. Thanks for the laughs! 🙂 I’ll be sharing with my witty celiac friends.

    I’d also like to share that thanks to a product like Glutia, I went years without a celiac diagnosis because it masked the symptoms. Unfortunately they do not prevent the damage. My “Glutia” success story? How about holding a stillborn because the price of consuming gluten while pregnant was my firstborn son? I don’t think they’d pay for my testimony though.

    And my gosh, gluten is not equivalent to joy in life. Are their lives really that pathetic? Almost makes me feel sorry for them.

    Take care!

  16. I saw a product like Glutia in a drug store a few years ago, but I was too skeptical to use it. I don’t have celiac disease, but a sensitivity to gluten that I discovered at the same time I become a vegan. Celiac is in my family, though. But when I see fresh Italian bread at the grocery store I wish for a product like this. The gluten-free processed foods are usually junk and contain palm oil. But if you put vegetables, a source of protein, a gluten-free carbohydrate, and herbs in a kettle or slow cooker you will have an amazing meal that won’t make you sick. Finish the meal with a colorful fruit or vegetable salad and hot chocolate made with almond or cashew milk and cacao powder. Fast food for me is frozen vegetables, canned beans, brown rice pasta or quinoa. It’s done in very little time.

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Who I am. And who I'm not.

Who I am. And who I'm not.

I AM someone who's been gluten-free since 2007 due to a diagnosis of severe celiac disease. I'm someone who can steer you in the right direction when it comes to going gluten-free. And I'm someone who will always give you the naked truth about going gluten free.

I AM NOT someone who embraces this gluten-free craziness. I didn’t find freedom, a better life or any of that other crap when I got diagnosed. With all due respect to Hunter S. Thompson, I found fear and loathing of an unknown world. But if I can share my wisdom, tell my stories and make the transition easier on you, I’ve done my job.

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