For those of you who follow me on Facebook (bless your little hearts), you knew I was having a procedure yesterday. For the rest of you…ummm…I was having a procedure yesterday. Now that we’re all on the same page, here’s how it all went down. And be forewarned…there is some “descriptive” info below.
The Last 2 Months
Been losing weight. Had a physical and lost 9 pounds since last year and most of it in the past month or so. It’s one thing if I was trying to lose weight, but I wasn’t. Mrs. Dude thinks I’m not eating enough. Mrs. Dude is usually right. Me? Not so much.
Friday Night, March 24
I took a doodie. See…I told you it would be descriptive. As I flushed, I thought I noticed the water was red, but didn’t think much of it.
Saturday Morning, March 25
I dropped another biscuit in the basket (and yes, I’ll be using as many euphemisms as possible.) This time, I looked before flushing. And oh my, there was definite blood.
Dude note: Mrs. Dude was away for the weekend. You’d think at this point, I’d give her a call. But I didn’t want to spoil her weekend so I kept things to myself. Probably NOT the right decision.
All Day Saturday
Spent way too much time on WebMD, MayoClinic, etc. Colon cancer kept popping up. Over and over again.
Saturday Night, March 25
I fired off another missle. Now I’m getting a bit anxious. I look. Yep…more blood.
Sunday Morning, March 26
I heaved a havana. And there was A LOT of blood. No longer anxious. Now officially concerned.
Dude note: At this point, of course I would call Mrs. Dude. Nope. Once an idiot, always an idiot.
Sunday Late Morning, March 26
I call my doctor’s office, knowing of course they are not there on Sundays. I leave a message and one of the nurses calls me back within a few minutes. I tell her what’s going on and sheepishly ask “Should I go to the emergency room?” She says yes.
Dude note: On the way to the emergency room, I FINALLY call the Mrs. who is on her way home (a 3 hour drive.) I say “Hey hon…how are you? Ummm…I’m heading to the emergency room because I’ve been crapping blood for 3 days. See you there.”
Sunday Afternoon, March 26
Off I go to the ER, still not knowing if it was really necessary for me to be there. The front desk greets me, I tell her symptoms and she says “Yep…go sign in over there.” I head over to the person to check me in. She asks my symptoms. I take out my camera and show her the photos of all the bloody nugg nuggs I’ve had. Yes, I took pictures. No, I’m not going to post them here. You’re welcome. I spend the next five hours in ER. Full blood work and a CT-SCAN. All came back clean. Well, this is odd.
Oh…and like the true bonehead that I am, I post a picture on Instagram of the IV in my arm, completely forgetting that the Dudettes don’t know I’m in the ER. I get calls from them IMMEDIATELY. Seriously, what a dope I am. I remove the Instagram post.
And a special shout out to my amazing in-laws, who stayed with me the whole time.
Monday, March 27
Make an appointment with my Gastro for March 31 and the office also schedules a colonoscopy for the following Monday.
Assume the best. Prepare for the worst.
Friday, March 31
Gastro a bit concerned but leaning toward diverticulitis than cancer but won’t know until he gets in for a look. So I spread real wide…just kidding. In addition to the colonoscopy, he also want to do an endoscopy. The assumption is that they use different scopes (lol).
Sunday Night, April 2
Part one of the bowel prep. Oh…my…god. This video pretty much nails it…but for two hours. Like nothing I’ve ever experienced and hope to never experience again.
Oh and Mrs. Dude decided to decorate the bathroom for me with a wallpaper of poopy jokes. My favorite one: “Do clown’s farts smell funny?”
Oh…I do get to experience it again. It’s PART TWO of the bowel prep. Yay me!! This one lasts 4 hours. My right leg fell asleep seven different times.
Monday Afternoon, April 3
I get the endoscopy and the colonoscopy. Celiac looks great. Colon looks good. Not sure of the source of the blood but NO CANCER FOUND. Phew. Perhaps inner hemmoroids or colitis?? Not sure. My stomach lining was a bit red so he took a biopsy from my stomach but no real concerns.
Monday, April 3, the rest of the day
I go home relieved. Beyond relieved. Kind of silly, but almost with a new lease on life. Work smarter, not longer. More family time. Less stress.
Big shout out to Mrs. Dude for always being my rock.
And thanks, as always, for hanging with me and for your words of support on FB.
The week, literally, was a pain in the ass.