My Week from Hell…With a Happy Ending

what a week

For those of you who follow me on Facebook (bless your little hearts), you knew I was having a procedure yesterday. For the rest of you…ummm…I was having a procedure yesterday. Now that we’re all on the same page, here’s how it all went down. And be forewarned…there is some “descriptive” info below.

The Last 2 Months
Been losing weight. Had a physical and lost 9 pounds since last year and most of it in the past month or so. It’s one thing if I was trying to lose weight, but I wasn’t. Mrs. Dude thinks I’m not eating enough. Mrs. Dude is usually right. Me? Not so much.

Friday Night, March 24
I took a doodie. See…I told you it would be descriptive. As I flushed, I thought I noticed the water was red, but didn’t think much of it.

Saturday Morning, March 25
I dropped another biscuit in the basket (and yes, I’ll be using as many euphemisms as possible.) This time, I looked before flushing. And oh my, there was definite blood.

Dude note: Mrs. Dude was away for the weekend. You’d think at this point, I’d give her a call. But I didn’t want to spoil her weekend so I kept things to myself. Probably NOT the right decision.

All Day Saturday
Spent way too much time on WebMD, MayoClinic, etc. Colon cancer kept popping up. Over and over again.

Saturday Night, March 25
I fired off another missle. Now I’m getting a bit anxious. I look. Yep…more blood.

Sunday Morning, March 26
I heaved a havana. And there was A LOT of blood. No longer anxious. Now officially concerned.

Dude note: At this point, of course I would call Mrs. Dude. Nope. Once an idiot, always an idiot.

Sunday Late Morning, March 26
I call my doctor’s office, knowing of course they are not there on Sundays. I leave a message and one of the nurses calls me back within a few minutes. I tell her what’s going on and sheepishly ask “Should I go to the emergency room?” She says yes.

Dude note: On the way to the emergency room, I FINALLY call the Mrs. who is on her way home (a 3 hour drive.) I say “Hey hon…how are you? Ummm…I’m heading to the emergency room because I’ve been crapping blood for 3 days. See you there.”

Sunday Afternoon, March 26
Off I go to the ER, still not knowing if it was really necessary for me to be there. The front desk greets me, I tell her symptoms and she says “Yep…go sign in over there.” I head over to the person to check me in. She asks my symptoms. I take out my camera and show her the photos of all the bloody nugg nuggs I’ve had. Yes, I took pictures. No, I’m not going to post them here. You’re welcome. I spend the next five hours in ER. Full blood work and a CT-SCAN. All came back clean. Well, this is odd.

Oh…and like the true bonehead that I am, I post a picture on Instagram of the IV in my arm, completely forgetting that the Dudettes don’t know I’m in the ER. I get calls from them IMMEDIATELY. Seriously, what a dope I am. I remove the Instagram post.

And a special shout out to my amazing in-laws, who stayed with me the whole time.

Monday, March 27
Make an appointment with my Gastro for March 31 and the office also schedules a colonoscopy for the following Monday.

March 27-31
Assume the best. Prepare for the worst.

Friday, March 31
Gastro a bit concerned but leaning toward diverticulitis than cancer but won’t know until he gets in for a look. So I spread real wide…just kidding. In addition to the colonoscopy, he also want to do an endoscopy. The assumption is that they use different scopes (lol).

Sunday Night, April 2
Part one of the bowel prep. Oh…my…god. This video pretty much nails it…but for two hours. Like nothing I’ve ever experienced and hope to never experience again.

Gotta love Mrs. Dude
Gotta love Mrs. Dude
Oh and Mrs. Dude decided to decorate the bathroom for me with a wallpaper of poopy jokes. My favorite one: “Do clown’s farts smell funny?”

Monday 5:00am, April 3

Oh…I do get to experience it again. It’s PART TWO of the bowel prep. Yay me!! This one lasts 4 hours. My right leg fell asleep seven different times.

Monday Afternoon, April 3
I get the endoscopy and the colonoscopy. Celiac looks great. Colon looks good. Not sure of the source of the blood but NO CANCER FOUND. Phew. Perhaps inner hemmoroids or colitis?? Not sure. My stomach lining was a bit red so he took a biopsy from my stomach but no real concerns.

Monday, April 3, the rest of the day
I go home relieved. Beyond relieved. Kind of silly, but almost with a new lease on life. Work smarter, not longer. More family time. Less stress.

Big shout out to Mrs. Dude for always being my rock.

And thanks, as always, for hanging with me and for your words of support on FB.

The week, literally, was a pain in the ass.

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20 thoughts on “My Week from Hell…With a Happy Ending”

  1. Betsy in Michigan

    So glad you’re feeling better – hope you never have a repeat performance. Always good to get things checked out.

  2. Whew! Glad to know things are not too serious! Did anyone check and or mention an anal fissure? Just when you thought there was no more to describe! Might want to ask. And thanks to Mrs. Dude for her humor and taking care of you!

    1. I’m pretty sure the doc checked for everything while he was back there. Up there?? In there??? Anyway, I’ll follow up though…thanks.

  3. So glad the reports were good. Thanks, Mrs. Dude for taking care of you. Had days/weeks/months like this myself …..your own personal superhero team really goes the distance for you at times like those, doesn’t it? Take good care……

  4. Hey, I’m glad you’re okay. But I am sending a cyber smack up the side of your head for:

    1. Not being initially concerned,
    2. Not telling your wife,
    3. Just being a MAN…..

    Honestly! Next time call the freaking doctor!

    Okay, your scolding is over now.

  5. OMG. My celiac husband had the same week with same issues. Colonoscopy showed nothing (sound familiar) and dr thinks it is the internal hemroids. Hope you have recovered and my sympathies to the spouse. Celiacs have interesting adventures.

  6. Betsy in Michigan

    Since we’re all being brutally honest: my new gastro Dr. tells me that they can fix internal hems in office WHILE they are actively bleeding (rubber bands or somesuch). I was quite fascinated. Because of my family history, I have regular plumbing checks, but once every couple years, the internal guys make me bleed like a stuck pig (and I drink prune juice until they’re healed). Next time it happens, believe you me, I am THERE!

    The OTHER thing he wants me to do is have a yearly fecal exam (take home and mail-away kit) that he or my GP can do. Says colonoscopies don’t catch everything. Seems like a fairly inexpensive additional assurance for many people.

    Stay on top of your gut health, everyone.

  7. I’ve been kind of holding my breath worrying about you (I’m the Celiac) and even got my husband concerned. Great news!

  8. I can totally sympathize. I have my first ever colonoscopy in 3 weeks and I am NOT looking forward to it! Mine is because my younger sister (in her 30s) discovered she has polyps, so it was advised I get tested too. Freaking out!

    About the blood, I had a similar experience about a decade ago and ended up in the ER. At my follow up appt, my Dr said it was hemmoroids, it was a lot of blood!

    Lastly, this reminds me that I really need to do a blog post about my beet experience, that led me to believe I was going to be found dead, alone in my apartment.

    Glad the experience is over and done!!

  9. Hopefully they check for H Pylori in the biopsy. That is the cause of my current gastritis (stomach inflammation). Sounds similar to your situation. Mine was first diagnosed with a stool sample and later confirmed with my dual “procedure”. I’m also suffering weight loss (down to 106 at 5’8″!) and some bleeding, believed to be caused by hemorrhoids. Otherwise colon looks good, so we got the same good news!

  10. Glad to hear the sun is shining on your backside again Dude! It was bloody stools and anemia that finally convinced my GP to send me to a GI after my colonoscopy came out clean (the prep for that really is a pain in the ass). My GI tested my IgA levels which were high and then performed an endoscopy to DX my CD at 57. You have an awesome support group. I wish every Celiac had that kind of support.

  11. You’re very sick and in a lot of pain with diverticulititis. White blood cells are high…in my case over 23,000. The infection will show on a CT scan. GI won’t scope you until the infection is cleared. I’ve been through it. Had a couple feet of my colon removed from that and a sigmoid volvulus.

    I’m glad to hear you checked out ok. If everything else checks out ok try increasing your intake of carbohydrates. They are our main source of fuel.

  12. Oh yes!!!! Love it!!!! I am 62. 5’8″ 135 lb. I just have an Inguinal hernia for 9 years. So my dead parents both had hemorrhoid when they were young. I did too. I have caused severe conditions by eating beans, nuts, greens, meat and dairy. I also spent lots of hours working on my feet and that can throw a lot of pressure on the butt organs. Beet juice is more of a lighter red. I have done beet juicing and beet salads and the same beety water in the toilet. When food dries up in the colon, it is very hard for the bowel to move it along. This is why we need to be as hydrated as we can. People that abuse drugs such as heroine and pain killers also get extremely constipated. When and if I eat a tomatoe sauce rich dish, I get saucy bowel movements and they look genuine. We have to remember something very important. The list of foods I provided above is very important. When we take away a balanced meal from the equation, we will have problems. Take a look at some of the food combining charts online. This is extremely important as well. Timing between meals seems to be around four hours. Small snacks do not count as meals, just calories if you count. I have done the raw diet, fruitarian diet, starch based diet, vegan diet, vegetarian diet, rotation diet, zone diet, blood type diet and a bunch more. We are all a bit different. Our genetic codes are different. But we must pay close attention to what we eat and how our body disposes of it. I have ripped my anus from constipation due to the foods I mentioned above. It took two to three months to heal properly. We need to move. Hard strenuous activity and exercise is not always good. What else can I say? Be careful of the popular internet doctors. They are not alway truthful, unfortunately. I have learned more than many doctors and internists learn in thirty years of practicing medicine. Be well everyone! Art

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Who I am. And who I'm not.

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I AM someone who's been gluten-free since 2007 due to a diagnosis of severe celiac disease. I'm someone who can steer you in the right direction when it comes to going gluten-free. And I'm someone who will always give you the naked truth about going gluten free.

I AM NOT someone who embraces this gluten-free craziness. I didn’t find freedom, a better life or any of that other crap when I got diagnosed. With all due respect to Hunter S. Thompson, I found fear and loathing of an unknown world. But if I can share my wisdom, tell my stories and make the transition easier on you, I’ve done my job.

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