So I received two emails, about three weeks apart, from a gentleman who is just a tad frustrated with his wife. It seems she will not let him eat gluten. Anywhere.
He does not have celiac (or as half internet calls it…celiacs). She does.
I am not sharing this email to make anyone feel bad.
I am sharing it in the hopes that I can get them both to see the light, and perhaps save a marriage at the same time.
High hopes indeed.
Here are the emails, received about three weeks apart.
Email 1:
My wife has celiac and is forcing me to go gluten free with her. I understand that it’s important to keep cross contamination down, but for me this limits foods I can take with me to work, because at my work there is no microwaves or ovens, so I can’t reheat anything gluten free we’ve made beforehand. And simple things like lunch meat gets old very quickly. So I was wondering if it’s safe for me to talk to her about me getting small amounts of things that I can take to work for lunches that have gluten. We have plenty of space so I can easily store these items out of our kitchen, and away from where she can get into it.
And here was my response:
I hate to say it, but your wife is not being reasonable. My wife and kids still eat gluten. It’s just a matter of setting some rules, keeping things very safe for her, and being respectful. But there is no reason for you to have to give it up too. She may not like me for this.
Email 2:
Hello I messaged once before on this topic, but my wife has celiac and due to our area not having many gluten free options in our stores (we have checked) I want to ask her about me getting small things for work, and honestly I’m worried how she’ll react. At this moment she’s only staying gluten-free because I am, and I honestly don’t believe that’s fair. I can understand not having any at home where it could cross contaminate but why not at my workplace that has its own cooking utensils and storage so the food won’t even be coming to the house at all. Anyway, is there any way you think I can get her to agree to my request?
My response:
Point One: She’s gotta put her big girl pants on and take ownership of her disease. The fact that she says she is only staying gluten-free because you are is absolute, utter horsesh*t. I’m sure there is a psychological term for what she’s doing, but I’ll leave that to the professionals.
Point Two: You gotta put your big boy pants on. If you want to go gluten-free to support her…awesome. More power to ya. But if you feel you should be able to eat gluten outside the house, eat gluten. Heck…even inside the house is ok as long as you’re very careful. Mrs. Dude and the Dudettes eat more than their fair share of gluten. Why would I ever stop them? It’s my disease, not theirs.
Point Three: Every store has gluten-free options. Meat, fish, veggies, fruit and the list goes on…all gluten-free.
My suggestion would be to have a sit down with her and simply communicate. It’s the most important tool in life’s little toolbox.
And if she still won’t “let” you eat gluten, your problems may go a bit beyond celiac disease.
Best of luck to you both…I hope you find your way.
How do you manage having gluten in your house without getting contaminated? I live with others and feel like it can happen easily. I almost need my own separate drawers of every single kitchen item. What about when they pull out something gluteny and then reach in the utensils drawer for a knife? Aren’t those knives now contaminated? The same goes for washing dishes by hand with contamination occurring in the sink and through the washcloths. Maybe I’m just being paranoid…
GD has posted in the past about this. Here’s the link =) http://glutendude.com/gluten-free-kitchens/
Thanks John.
Thank you!!
Conceivably, that’s like his wife saying, “I have a cold. You don’t, but I won’t take these cold meds unless you do.” It’s unreasonable.
I live by myself. I used to have my dad living with me and I wouldn’t deprive him of gluten. And I prepared his meals!
I wouldn’t subject a roommate to having to deal with my kitchen needs. But if I ever get married, I would be able to compromise. Isn’t that part of being in a relationship?
I’m very sensitive to gluten and my hubby is kind enough to maintain a gluten free house but when he goes somewhere without me, I encourage him to enjoy all the glutenous things that I can’t have any longer. I only ask him to brush his teeth thoroughly because we have found that a even a light peck can make me sick after he’s eaten gluten.
Yes, it sucks that everyone else can eat yummy things from any streetside vendor and you with Celiac can not but having to think about what you put in your mouth is not the worst thing in the world.
We have a 99% gf household. My husband will very occasionally bring home something with gluten in it (or order out, etc.), but he doesn’t keep items there regularly and we don’t cook anything with gluten in it. I didn’t ask him to do this – he decided to make it a rule once we figured out that I’m really sensitive. Whatever he wants to eat when we go out or he’s away from the house is his own business. We just have to remember not to kiss until he’s brushed his teeth or we’ve confirmed he hasn’t had any gluten that day. We don’t have the space to maintain gluten free/non-gluten free areas or to store separate cooking equipment.
My parents have very kindly bought special cooking equipment for my visits and those of other celiac relatives. It’s all colored bright red so they can easily tell it apart from their regular stuff. Thought it was a great way to make sure everything is kept separate in a shared kitchen.
I also encourage my husband to eat the things I can’t. He loves food and I love to hear about his food adventures. And being the great guy and awesome cook & baker he is, when he’s had something really good at a restaurant, he creates a gluten free version so I can share the experience! Our house is 100% gluten free! but there’s absolutely no reason why he shouldn’t be able to eat gluten outside of the house even when I’m with him.
In our house 3 of 5 are celiac. Our house is also 98% GF.
There is one basket that houses gluten cereal and some bread for our teenager. It is cheaper to feed him a mixing bowl of the cheap wheat filled stuff.
My husband and children do not demand we eat gluten-free at any time. It is just silly. I often eat GF so we may try each others meals and it is easier to live in our house that way.
“simply communicate. It’s the most important tool in life’s little toolbox.”
— More Wisdom from Gluten Dude
My wife eats as much gluten as she wants and as much NO gluten as she wants….and I’m still alive and getting healthier and happier every day slowly but surely through communication.
—
Barney Fife: If there’s anything that upsets me, it’s having people say I’m sensitive.
Andy Taylor: Goob, did anybody ever tell you you’ve got a big mouth?
Goober Pyle: Yeah, but I don’t pay no attention to ’em.
Barney Fife: Adios, amigo.
Briscoe Darling: [to Andy] He one of ours?
Andy Taylor: Oh, sure.
Briscoe Darling: [to Barney] More power to ya.
The quote above was supposed to be:
“Barney Fife: If there’s anything that upsets me, it’s having people say I’m sensitive…
Briscoe Darling: [to Barney] More power to ya.”
—
I did say I was getting healthier and happier but I didn’t say I could see much better yet. LOL I think my Gluten Sniffing Lab missed a side order the last 2 meals. Dude, you really should consider an “Edit” button for the gluten fogged & sight impaired. I had so many flashes on my floaters in the bright sunshine yesterday that I wasn’t sure if it was Jesus’ Second Coming or George Malley (John Travolta) brain tumor flashes moments from “Phenomenon”. #ravagesofundiagnosedCD
Have a great weekend.
I have Celiac and my husband does not. I eat gluten free and he does not. I’ve never ever been glutened in my own home. I have a drawer with a few things that need to be kept separate such as my own can opener and a small Teflon frying pan. He has his own can opener and his own small Teflon fry pan I do have iron frying pans which I use for gluten free cooking but everything else in the kitchen is shared. He has his own shelf in the fridge for his stuff and I have one for me. I never pick up anything off the counters and eat it. If something drops on the counter I toss it or he eats it. With a few precautions it’s really easy and safe to share gluten free space with gluten space. My husband is a total slob in the kitchen so I never trust anything to be safe and I think that’s why I have never had a problem.
I should say I do the cooking so I don’t make meals containing gluten. His gluten containing stuff is mostly breads, cereals, cookies and dessert type items. He’s perfectly happy with the whole set-up. And when we eat out I order gf and he orders anything he wants. I would never ask him to go totally gf just because I have to as that would be totally unfair.
This is too bad. My husband and daughter need to be gluten free. I stay gluten free at home with them. In the beginning, I stayed 100 percent gluten free so I could learn to sympathize with them and understand how difficult it can be to be surrounded by gluten and not be able to eat it.
After about 6 months, my husband said he is fine with him if I have gluten when I’m out with friends or if we’re out together. It’s really more practical. There is no reason for me to eat up his $20 gluten free pizza when I can get a regular one for half the price.
This year, we are hosing a foreign exchange student. She is fabulously mature and she is great with learning how we eat. We have now allowed gluten into our kitchen because she likes to bring sandwiches to school for lunch instead of waiting in lunch line. She is careful to scoop butter out of the butter bell first with a clean knife, put it on a plate and then scrape it on her bread. We have not had any cross contamination issues.
I know it must be difficult for my husband to see me eat cake, or enjoy real bread, or indulge on cheese curds at the fair, but I think in return for me supporting and advocating for him and our daughter, he’s decided to repay me by not resenting my freedom to eat what I want when we are out of the house.
Maybe the emailer can compromise with his wife. He will be supportive of her at home 100 percent, but when he’s out of the home, it’s not fair or practical for him to remain gluten free.
I agree he needs to put on his big boy pants and communicate openly with his wife.
I have Celiac and my fiancé does not, though he is very supportive of my disease and paranoia in getting glutened. Honestly, he’s my biggest protector, advocate, and fan. I eat gluten free and he does not. I’ve never been glutened in my own home. I keep my snacks and food in separate areas of the kitchen from his, and it’s very safe. I would never ask or expect him to go gluten-free (read: give up beer) because this is my disease, not his. I think any woman (or person!) who has this awful disease and would actually say that they are only gluten-free because their Non-Celiac partner sticks to the diet has some very deep-seated issues unrelated to Celiac.
It’s totally unfair for a Celiac to ask a non-Celiac to go completely GF. Of course, adjustments must be made. I do most of the cooking (obviously GF) and my fiancé eats along with me without complaints. Sounds like these issues are more marital in nature than actually related to Celiac. All the best to this couple.
I agree with the sentiments of the rest of the commenters. I keep a gluten free home and when my boyfriend is over he eats what I eat. When we are out in the world he eats what he pleases and knows to keep his gluteny lips to himself. He even started carrying a toothbrush and travel mouthwash everywhere we go for when he just can’t wait any longer to give me a smooch 🙂
I can relate a little to the wife from my early GF days. It took a long time to get over the emotional toll and lonliness of being the only GF person in the world (or so it seemed). Maybe she will lighten up on him once she has gotten more comfortable in her new situation.
Good luck!
I think it’s all about the compromise. My husband was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and following that we revamped our (already very healthy) diets. Small changes, such as being careful about the types of carbs we ate, cooking more paleo meals, just little things to make it easier for him to maintain optimum health. I was diagnosed with coeliac in April and our house became a gluten-free zone. We share the cooking and we cook gluten free meals from scratch. We got rid of old utensils etc and we simply don’t let gluten enter the house – it’s not like we NEED gluten-containing food to eat a health balanced diet so why risk the contamination. When we go out to eat, I am very careful and he eats whatever the heck he likes, whether it’s gluten free or not. Similarly, when he’s at work it’s totally up to him what he eats, and I wouldn’t ask him not to eat gluten where it didn’t directly risk me. Honestly it’s just easier to keep the house gluten free, there isn’t any worry about gluteny hands touching a chopping board and it’s nice to eat the same meals together. Sometimes when we’re out and my husband is tucking into a cake, he’ll get a pang of guilt and tell me that he feels bad that I can’t eat it. I tell him that honestly, I am not missing out, eating that cake wouldn’t being me any pleasure, just a painful stomach and days of feeling awful. Do agree that it sucks that life isn’t quite as simple as it was and that it’s tiring to be on gluten watch, but don’t feel guilty that you can eat something that someone else cant, I don’t feel guilty that my pancreas lets me eat sugar without injecting insulin, and wouldn’t expect my husband to feel guilty that he can eat gluten!
We have a mixed marriage (Celiac and Non-Celiac). I’ve never gotten glutened in my own home. There is a gluten side of the kitchen, and a gluten-free side of the kitchen. All condiments are either double (two butters, for instance) or in squeeze bottles. We have two toasters. I cook entirely GF…but I’m not going to deny The Husband his delicious wheat toast. Or bagels. Or oyster crackers in his bowl of chili. I’m just not going to share the peanut-butter jar.
When we have cheese and crackers it’s ALL GF…but he prefers those, anyway. (Or claims to!)
And he still gets to eat Thin Mints during GS cookie season. 😛
I found a recipe for making GF thin mints if you’re interested. They weren’t difficult to make, they use GF chocolate cake mix.
I took them to my Celiac Support Group and they vanished like the wind. 🙂
I’d like the recipie please!
This was the original recipe from Stephanie O’Dea’s website:
“Thin Mints”-mint chocolate wafer cookies dipped in chocolate
yields 36 cookies
Original Recipe from Web:
for wafer:
1/4 cup butter, melted
1 (16-ounce) package gluten-free brownie or chocolate cake mix
5 tablespoons milk (can use soy)
1/4 teaspoon mint extract for chocolate coating:
2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
1/4 cup butter
1/4 teaspoon mint extract
1-3 tablespoons water
Combine butter, brownie or cake mix, milk, and mint extract in a large mixing bowl. Stir with a fork until a ball of dough forms; it will be quite crumbly. Roll dough out 1/4-inch thick between two pieces of parchment paper. Use a 1 1/2 inch cookie cutter (or the lid from a spice container) to cut out circles of dough. Place circles on a parchment-lined cookie sheet. Use the blunt end of a skewer to poke 5 holes in each cookie. Bake at 350° for 8-12 minutes. Let sit on sheet for a few minutes before moving. Cool on rack to crisp.
When cookies have cooled, combine chocolate chips, butter, mint extract and 1 tablespoon of water. Heat in a double-boiler or in a slow cooker (I used a 4 quart crockpot) until liquidy. Stir well, and drop wafers in, one at a time, and ladle chocolate over the top. Lift coated cookie out with a fork, and chill in the refrigerator until set. If your chocolate begins to harden, reheat as needed, and add a bit more water.
Sorry about the duplicate post (below). I wanted to list the variation I used because I didn’t have a 16 oz BRM chocolate cake mix, I had a Pamela’s mix. After coating them, store in the freezer and they’re twice as good….
Proportions I Used for wafer because I had Pamela’s chocolate cake mix on hand – a 21ounce package:
5-1/2 tablespoons butter, melted
1 (21-ounce) package gluten-free Pamela’s chocolate cake mix
6-1/2 tablespoons milk (can use soy)
1/2 teaspoon mint extract Because it made more cookies, I made additional coating.
for chocolate coating:
2 cups Ghirardelli 60% Cacao semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 – 4 oz bar of Ghirardelli 60% Cacao bittersweet chocolate
1/2 teaspoon mint extract
Melt in large crockpot and keep temp on “keep warm”
You sound like us, I do all the cooking for meals and it is gluten free, so pots and pans are not an issue, but my husband does use “real” bread and hamburger buns for sandwiches and burgers, and eats real pretzels (kept on their own shelf, all dishes go thru our sanitizing dishwasher). All our condiments are in squeeze bottles, and he has his own peanut butter and jelly jars (l like different kinds, anyway). He loves my gluten-free crunchmaster crackers, so that’s all we buy. He jokes that he never has to worry about me drinking his beer. He’s very cognizant of not cross-contaminating anything, and I have never gotten cross-contaminated at home (I am pretty sensitive). I would never tell him what to eat when he is out and about, when we go for pizza I get gluten free and he gets regular, we both have leftovers that way (which he heats up on tinfoil).
My girlfriend is extremely careful about cross-contamination (she’s a scientist) and we’ve had no problems at home even though she eats quite a bit of gluten. Separate cupboards, cooking utensils, pots, pans, cutting boards, labeling jars (pb, jams, etc.) so we each know which is which, etc., and she always uses plates to control crumbs, washes her hands and brushes her teeth after eating gluten. As someone said upthread, I also have to be careful not to eat anything that drops on the counter, on the stove, etc. We have rubber over mitts that we can run through the dishwasher, and most things (plates etc.) do get washed twice (once by hand with the appropriate sponge, then in the dishwasher). Sure it would be easier in some ways if she was gf; but she would miss the foods she loves and I don’t think I’ve ever been glutened because we share the kitchen.
It’s not that hard to keep a dual household, especially when you are the one controlling it. I have everything that is mine in separate areas. My husband and son know what to use and what not to use. When we have visitors, I put my version of crime-scene tape over my areas, so they won’t go in. If I’m working with gluten ingredients or breads, etc, I wear gloves and sometimes a mask. Or, my son will do it. I will make as much GF as possible with variations. And even if he chooses not to when he is out on his own, my son now knows how to keep a clean kitchen. 😉
My husband is sensitive enough to make sure if we are meeting people for dinner that we go somewhere where I can eat, I’m not going to make him sacrifice at home. My son, he’ll eat anything.
Wow. And I though I was being super careful! First, if I told my husband he couldn’t eat gluten he wouldn’t still be my husband, and second, that would be going overboard. Way overboard. In my opinion.
I’m sorry, I don’t think this really has anything to do with gluten. She’s being selfish and controlling. I’ve lived with emotional abuse and when you take away someone else’ free will because it’s what you want and not because it’s necessary, that’s abuse.
The only gluten in my house is beer for my husband. 😉 He decided that when we moved in together the house would be 99% gluten free to help prevent cross-contamination but also because he simply wouldn’t miss gluten. Our meals are NATURALLY gluten free anyway so it really isn’t a big deal. Plus, it has been more cost effective for us… rather than buying two different kinds of bread, I make a loaf of GF bread each week and that’s what we eat.
HOWEVER, and this is a big however, I would never ever force him to eat a certain way (inside or outside of the house!) Yes, we usually order gluten free meals when we go out to eat so that we can share and pick off of each others plates, but if he gets a craving for Raising Cane’s I am not stopping him! I understand the wife’s desire to control cross-contamination but it seems like this is a much bigger issue. As you said Dude, communication! I think there’s definitely a grieving period that comes along with CD and that in this time we wish that everyone else had to “suffer” and eat the way we do. Hopefully with some open and honest communication and time, the wife will come around.
This is not a gluten issue, this is a control issue. Whenever I hear a spouse talk that way I have doubts about how long the marriage will last. I have been celiac for half of our 40 year marriage. I didn’t tell him what to do before GF and I didn’t start after. However, he doesn’t tell me what to do either, that’s how we like it. We had one celiac child and one not celiac. I went to enough work cooking all the meals and he would not want me to cook two. So for our family meals we ate naturally GF foods, but two would eat gluten buns or breads if they wanted. They had a drawer with a toaster, bread, cookies etc. Now it’s just my husband and I and he still has a bread drawer. I like that he keeps Oreos and things, it’s better for my weight if I can’t eat them. When we go anywhere of course he eats gluten and it doesn’t bother me at all. Why are these men afraid to just say no???
You are 100% correct his wife is being unreasonable. My boyfriend eats gluten all he wants, we have separate toasters separate drawers in the fridge etc. He works on the oil field and works away in camps for weeks at a time so it is incredibly unreasonable to make him eat gluten free because im celiac. There is of course some gluten free stuff he likes but overall he isnt celiac and it doesnt bother him so why wouldnt he eat it. Her points make no sense. Saying shes only eating gluten free because he is. No shes eating gluten free because she has to because she has a disease called celiac whereas he does not so he doesnt have to. Its simple really.
Wow! I have celiac disease and I’m really shocked that people are so meticulous. I have to be careful, yes. But separate stuff for everything?? If I question contamination I wash something very, very well! Is it really that big of a problem? Am I just oblivious?? I did a test a few weeks ago to see what my reaction would be and had a bite of bread pudding my husband was having while we were out to eat and had a week of hell after that….but at home haven’t any problems and we don’t separate pots, pans, utensils, etc…
I’m the same way… I can’t afford separate pots, pan and utensils.. But I’m always very careful to wash things thoroughly.. The only times I’ve been glutened have been stupid accidents on my part.
Not sure if it’s stupid for me to not invest in a separate GF set of stuff for myself but…
I just want to throw it out there that having to go gluten free isn’t really fun or easy, especially where socializing is concerned. When I found out I was sensitive to gluten (thankfully my intestines were not yet harmed, so no technically celiac), it was difficult around anyone else – EVEN someone who cared enough to help or be careful. I have been gluten free for over 8 years, and even my own mother had difficulty remembering, knowing that it badly affected me. She once saw me come into the kitchen, got a funny look on her face, took one look at the breaded chicken she was frying and apologized while washing off the bread. I knew she didn’t mean to forget, but it was still hard. I was the “special eater” for a long time that didn’t usually get to eat like everyone else, not the kind of “special” most girls like. My husband came on to the scene almost 6 years ago and has been especially supportive, but even he makes mistakes! He is allowed to eat gluten, but there are very strict rules and most of the time he simply eats what I eat at home, and gets to eat what he wants at restaurants. The reason I could care less what he eats when we go out is because at home he’s SO supportive, and not because he’s trying to get something out of it.
The problem with the other person not going gluten free is ‘where’s the line?’ … are you making separate meals? Are you sure that when you put butter or mayo on your bread that you aren’t EVER double dipping? … Can’t use the same toaster or pans, have to be extra careful about washing every single surface or container … Fear plays a big role in how those of us who have special eating needs and how others react often doesn’t help.
Gluten isn’t really healthy for you, so eating it shouldn’t really be so big a deal that it comes between a husband and wife. If she’s afraid “strict rules” won’t cut it, then address the fear, not the part about her trying to force him to not eat gluten. Cross-contamination is a big fear and impossible to prevent 100% of the time unless you simply remove the contaminant (is it really worth it to have almost a whole kitchen of items separate from the others??). I know this doesn’t specifically address the concern, but it’s not unreasonable to fear the reactions to consuming gluten when your body attacks itself if you do. And it’s not unreasonable to ask your spouse if you can please enjoy your food (eat gluten). Just make sure your love of food doesn’t start affecting your love for your wife and her wellbeing !!! She’s more important 🙂 (And it’s also reasonable to ask your wife to not put her fears of contamination above you)
You bring up a good point. If the guy is totally inconsiderate and won’t be careful about gluten around his wife, then maybe she has to be that careful, but that, too, says something about the marriage. It is a potentially deadly disease, so the people we are married to have to take it very seriously. She may be telling him if he isn’t gf she can’t be because he is a gluten slob, cross contaminating her every time she turns around. Two sides to every story.
This has been my problem. My husband genuinely is inconsiderate (or intentionally clueless) when it comes to cross-contamination, even though I was diagnosed 12 years ago. He’d swear to my face that he never double-dipped the butter knife, but I’d walk into the room to find him doing just that. He’d claim he “forgot.” Over and over again. He thinks that as long as I don’t see him doing it, I’ll never know the difference. I’d find bits of pie crust smeared on the “clean” glasses in the cupboard. The microwave was always covered with bread crumbs inside. Even being very careful and assuming the whole house was covered in crumbs (which it was), I was getting sick over and over again. And when I react, it’s more than GI misery (which I have too). My entire mouth breaks out in sores and is raw for weeks, and my neuropathic pain problems go through the roof (among other things). I also have a (still-undiagnosed) demyelinating disorder. Gluten makes my neurological symptoms worse.
Even so, he’ll stick his hands in my gluten-free food with crumbs visible on his hands.
I finally came across a blog post by someone with celiac who wrote about how gluten did indeed give her neuropathic pain. And the only way she could stay safe is by living in a gluten-free house. She needed a safe haven. I told my husband I needed a safe haven too. This had to stop. Or the marriage was going to be over. I couldn’t have it in the house any more. That worked for a while, but now he brings in sandwiches and gluten-filled takeout items when he thinks I’m not noticing and isn’t particularly careful. But at least the pie smears on the glasses and the other things like that are less in my face all the time. There aren’t any more big piles of crumbs all over the kitchen.
He can eat whatever he wants when he goes out; I don’t care. But I’ve had to put my foot down about gluten in our house (at least at the level it was), because he simply doesn’t care and would not be careful. As it is, I just had to leave town for a week for medical appointments in another area. It scares me. He put gluten in my mesh colander/strainer after I’d specifically asked him not to (I came to find out later, and you can be sure it wasn’t washed out well). I don’t trust that he wasn’t also getting crumbs in the margarine, etc while I was away.
Staying safe in a “mixed” household requires that the gluten eater(s) cares enough to understand the seriousness of cross-contamination and makes at least a cursory effort not to sicken the celiac. I’m sure there are some who know us who think I’m a controlling, crazy b*** for forbidding loaves of bread (etc) in the house, but my need to protect what’s left of my health is more important.
I think one thing couples with this challenge need to consider is the cost of buying two versions of many items. Although my husband was eating the gluten free bread, et cetera, that I was buying, he recently told me he wants me to buy regular versions as well. So I shall.
WOW! I couldn’t imagine forcing someone to eat gluten free with me! I’m not really too fond of being gluten free, so I could never ask anyone else to do it!
My family, friends and boyfriend do eat gluten free with me occasionally, but it’s really just a matter of convenience – who really wants to cook two meals? We either make meals that are naturally gluten free, or make simple adjustments to make it gluten free (ie: gluten free pasta instead of the glutenous variety). I also always make it a point to remind them that they don’t have to… They can prepare their meal and I’ll make my gluten free stuff… But they also like to experience what it’s like to eat my food some of the time.
I’m newly gluten free (almost a year and a half into the whole celiac thing), and I do request that no one eats KitKats (my old favorite candy), or Chinese food (the smell is just soooo intoxicating, I can’t take it!) in front of me.. I know this is unfair… But compared to the emailer’s wife… I feel a lot better about myself!
I couldn’t imagine asking someone to eat gluten free with me until I realized kissing my boyfriend after he had eaten gluteneous foods… made the symptoms come back. My degree of sensitivity is very high. He has to wait 24 hours to kiss if he eats gluten food or eat gluten free.
I couldn’t imagine asking someone to eat gluten free with me until I realized kissing my boyfriend after he had eaten gluteneous foods… made the symptoms come back. My degree of sensitivity is very high. He has to wait 24 hours prio to kissing me if he eats gluteneous food.
First…. Celiacs…. Hahahahaha…. I laughed at that remark. Nails on a flippen chalkboard. My daughter has Lyme Disease and people call it Lymes, even doctors!!!
Second…. She has no clue how incredibly lucky she is that he is that caring, respectful, and concerned about her health!!!
Third…. Completely controlling, selfish, and frankly it is down right bratty behavior for her to act like that.
My house is GF for the most part. I buy things for my daughter that we keep in a separate cupboard. I only cook GF meals though. My son is completely GF as he has non-celiac sensitivity, I am GF because I have Celiac, and because my daughter has Lyme she generally follows a GF diet, but occasionally she does eat food with gluten and that is fine. I know people feel bad to eat certain things in front of us, but their is no reason to say, “if I can’t have it then neither can you!” That is unreasonable. Period.
I hope this wife can quit treating her husband like this, he doesn’t deserve it. She is accountable for herself, no one else is.
ffffffgl
Don’t be too hard on the couple. When you have celiac, getting deathly ill can make one overly cautious. When I was diagnosed I cleaned the entire kitchen. Then I gave hubby a bottom shelf in the cupboard & the freezer. He gets regular cereal, bread for his lunches plus treats like donuts etc. He keeps it all in his area. He also has his own toaster, serrated bread knife, cutting board, pot, strainer, & pasta claw. In the beginning he thought I was being silly. Then we went to a gluten free fair & he saw all the speakers with me. The one that really opened his eyes was Carol Kiscinik. Maybe they need to go to a fair & talk to others there.
I HATE when people call it celiacS.
As far as the cross contamination goes I know everyone is different. I personally am very sensitive and cannot have gluten anywhere in the house at all. Even with having things separated. I was deathly ill until I got rid of every single thing because even rinsing the dishes then putting them in the dishwasher together still made me sick. I agree with a previous commenter that having celiac and being deathly ill can really terrify you. I was actually literally dying at the time we finally found out what was wrong with me. It is a very terrifying thing. However, she needs to find space to be reasonable, and take charge of her disease.
My boyfriend is very understanding of things and we have absolutely no gluten here. I do however encourage him to eat whatever gluteny foods he can when he is away from the house. Work, being with friends and family… He is sometimes nervous about making me sick and I greatly appreciate how sympathetic he is to my health. I feel like the least I can do is let him feast on whatever he wants to as long as it’s not coming into contact with the dishes or table or anything. If he wants to bring something here and eat it on a paper plate with a plastic fork then I have no problem with it. I want him to have as much freedom as he can while still keeping me from ending up laying in the hospital again for the 1000th time.
I don’t understand the whole “I’m gluten free for you” thing. It’s her disease, she should be gluten free for HER because it’s imperative to her health. Protect yourself but at the same time though don’t keep him in shackles like that just because you have to be! Come on!
Peachy, you’re not alone. I don’t care for when people call it “celiac’s” either. It’s Celiac, not Celiac’s. I also don’t care for when people say anyway’s. It’s anyway, not anyway’s. But anyway… 😉
I fear the problem is that a lot of people with Celiac don’t want to recognize that just because they don’t feel really bad for weeks after getting a little gluten, that doesn’t mean that little bit of gluten isn’t causing advancement of the autoimmunity. Having Celiac that isn’t treated by being 100% gluten free can lead to other autoimmune diseases and once those start there is no turning back the clock. But if the people who have the disease don’t take it seriously, why would people who don’t have it take it seriously? I just found out last night that I have been getting glutened by my husband because he felt it would be OK to cook the burgers where he toasted his buns on the BBQ as long as he “burned off” the bread. I told him a long time ago he couldn’t put bread on the grill, but he thinks I am going overboard because “so many other Celiacs seem to have a normal life” so why can’t I? So, he’s just been lying to me. Who knows what else he has been lying to me about? Right now, I am seriously considering walking out the door and never looking back. And I am over 60 and been with this man for 30 years. I guess he got tired of living with a paranoid freak. Oh, and I am 100% disabled due to Celiac and all the other diseases it has caused for me. But, according to him, I am just paranoid. Maybe this man should have allowed his wife to tell her side before we all commented on the situation.
Sigh… Deb, I feel for you. Truly, I do. I replied to another of your comments above explaining my own situation. I don’t understand why so many spouses are so pig-headed and hostile like this.
I honestly don’t think it’s possible to live safely in a “mixed” house when the non-celiac is hostile to even basic precautions. Separate condiments? Only when I was in the same room and watching.
There was an older guy at the church my mom used to go to that was diagnosed with Celiac late in life, after retirement. He stayed sick because he and his wife firmly believed it was the wife’s job to cook (she hadn’t ever worked outside of the home) and she only knew one way to cook — classic chicken-fried everything. She wasn’t interest in learning anything about “that gluten free crap” and he would simply shrug.
I don’t understand the hostility. I don’t understand why they feel threatened by change. I really don’t understand the food games and flat out lying. All I can say is you deserve better than that.
There’s something instinctive and unreasonable about food sharing, if you ask me.
My own special Hell is my visiting sister and her family.
Chicks, man. I would ask my husband to leave me if I ever got like that. Since when is one person in the relationship more important than the other?
After reading these comments, I’m concerned that I’m not as vigilant as I should be. We have separate toasters and separate butter and jars of condiments. I have my own shelf in the pantry. I have my own non-stick frypan, but we share the other pots and pans and utensils… I always wash something again if I can see or feel food on it….
I’m newly diagnosed with celiac (as in March of this year new). And living with someone, whom I love dearly, and seeing them consume regular pizza, cookies, and other delicious gluten free foods was really hard at first. I was angry and depressed. But honestly, it never crossed my mind to make him convert to a gluten free diet. We’ve managed to eliminate cross contamination (ie separate toasters and not cooking gluten in the oven) and after teaching him more about the disease, he’s been super careful about everything he brings into the house, and keeping it away from my gluten free food items. We’ve both found a new hobby in trying out different recipes and ways to cook. Without this support, I would find it so hard to live with the adjustment and disease
. I don’t think insisting on your home being gluten free is unreasonable.. especially being as sensitive as I am and as severe as my symptoms are. Me and 7 of the kids have to be gluten free. We tried still having gluten-laden foods for my husband and our one son that can eat it.. It didn’t work though because me and the rest of the kids were constantly getting glutened on a regular basis in our own house. So now we maintain a 99% gluten free home .. the 1% is dog food- that I never handle myself and beer for my husband ..but he drinks it out of the bottle or can. It has not been a problem. However insisting that my husband never eat gluten again is unreasonable. He eats all the gluten he wants.. he just does it away from home.
I personally feel for the husband in this situation. I have Celiac, my husband does not. I am very sensitive to gluten so we have set rules in our house just like Gluten Dude does. If people choose to eliminate gluten from their home that’s fine so long as the other people living there are able to adapt and accept it.
It is not okay for this woman to demand that her husband “never” eat gluten again simply because she cannot. In the 2nd email he states that “At this moment she’s only staying gluten-free because I am, and I honestly don’t believe that’s fair.” Truly. It is very unfair. This is more an issue of this woman lacking self-discipline. My thought is, if she is not able to be disciplined at home to stay away from gluten, what makes this husband think she is going to stay away from gluten out of the home? If I were the husband I would try to help her remain safe and gluten free at home by keeping everything clean and free of cross-contamination, but also not let her run him over. There is always a happy middle ground and finding that place is what marriage is all about.
Our household of three is 2/3 gluten free. My husband doesn’t have to avoid gluten, but my daughter and I do. I don’t cook anything with gluten in it anymore so he eats gluten lite I guess. He has his own gluten containing food that for the most part is kept out of the kitchen. I have asked him to keep refrigerated items on the lowest shelf of the fridge and the freezer. He isn’t as careful with keeping those boundaries or cross contamination as I wish he would be and that is frustrating to say the least.
I do not think I have ever read so my complaints and rants in my life. I think all of you are a bunch of nerds. My husband of 28 years was diagnosed with Celiac disease two months ago and I have volunteered to go completely gluten free with him. I have done it for two reasons – 1) to give him complete support and to let him know that he is not alone in this new life, and 2) because I personally have found that my body and mind has never felt better since I have gone gluten free with my husband. We both are viewing his Celiac as a new life adventure and not a sad problem. I have been finding a new way to cook and food is really delicious. Yes, I will miss my cookies and doughnuts, but I really don’t need them anyway. Before his diagnosis, we had been eating clean for the past two years – raw milk (from local dairy cows that do not eat grain), raw butter (I make my own), free range farm eggs, certified humane free range chicken, fresh non-processed veggies, and plenty of fruit – so a Celiac gluten free diet has not been a problem. We both are feeling so much better, and are actually enjoying the new recipes that I am trying. We have not even missed the gluten-laced food we were consuming! Suck it up people, get a life and learn to live a new, healthy way – and . . . stop complaining!!!!
I think there’s a big difference between volunteering/going willingly and forcing.
And, it sounds like there’s more at play in both those relationships than celiac disease and being gluten free.
I would NEVER try to force my husband and he would NEVER force me. He wanted to be sure I really wanted to do this. I did it because I love him very much and I wanted more than anything to support him, and I know how isolated it can be doing something like this by yourself. We are in this together because I want to. Besides, it was not a hard decision for me as it did make me feel better. And we are enjoying trying new recipes – my very own homemade bread (from a recipe I developed by myself before I ever met him) has won blue ribbons in three state fairs! I will no longer make it for us, but I will make it for other people. The same with my family recipe for to-die-for brownies from scratch. But that is no problem. I am in the process of trying several different gluten free homemade bread recipes – some of which have been okay and one that we laughed about that could become a really nice doorstop. We also went to our first totally gluten free bakery last weekend and had some wonderful things to eat – all that I liked and some that he liked. It is a learning process and like I said, it is a new adventure for both of us.
Nerds? You’re not Pinky Tuscadero, are you?
No, Gluten Dude, I am not. Just really cannot understand who people have such a negative attitude! I realize it is a very different life, but it should be looked at as being healthier and better.
I don’t understand. For parents who are celiac, you children may not be celiac YET, but they are on the spectrum, and if they eat gluten, they will end up celiac.
How do you reconcile poisoning your children?
My mother does NOT have celiac, but she’s had dermatitis herpetiformis for a decade, and has constant infection when eating gluten. She had brain tumor and hip replacement, both of which are pretty solidly linked to NCGI.
Husband does not have celiac, but also had hip replacement, and when eating gluten has GERD, migraines and arthritis.
I don’t have celiac, but also have migraine, arthritis and some GERD with gluten.
I get so tired of hearing “my family doesn’t have celiac, they should not be deprived . . .”
I say PLEASE do deprive them of poor health and eventual celiac.
I have Celiac but my husband does not. We cook everything at home gluten and dairy free but he has his cheese and gluten-containing snacks. If he does want non-GF bread, etc. he has his own toaster which he keeps in his home office as well as separate microwave. He has what he wants for lunch with the guys or when he’s eating away from home. Then he doesn’t feel deprived and doesn’t mind following my diet. I’m pleased to say he’s actually making better choices regardless. The only bummer is that I have to always ask if it’s safe to kiss him but that’s easily remedied.
Also a suggestion for those sharing a kitchen… We use a sticker system. Red means it is not safe for me, green means it is. That way when we are both tired and cooking or just can’t remember what the status was (safe or not), the sticker makes it immediately apparent. Works great and has avoided accidents.
Though I’m not a shrink, I believe there might be some Narcissistic Personality Disorder involved in those stories presented by Dude… I have a very controlling family member as well (my big sister), who would cover our kitchen in wheat flour whenever I do something against her wish. And she’s 30. And she’s a doctor, well educated about immunological diseases and how they affect the body, but it won’t stop her from venting her frustration this way. I’m moving out for my own good – physical and mental. I’d be a looney if I stayed with someone like that, we’re not a family – it’s all bulls*it. Sorry for any typos or grammatic errors, I’m from Eastern Europe.