My Celiac Haiku

Dude Note: To honor Celiac Awareness Month and to help raise awareness of our disease, I will be attempting 31 blog posts in 31 days. My goal is simple: to make most of them not suck. If you’ve got ideas for a good post or if you’d like to guest blog, by all means, contact me. Your input is more than welcome. And if you know anybody with celiac disease, give them some extra lovin’ this month. They deserve it.

What the heck is a Haiku you ask? In its simplest form, it’s a Japanese poem of seventeen syllables, in three lines of five, seven, and five.

And what on earth does it have to do with celiac disease? Absolutely nothing at all.

So then why am I writing a celiac Haiku? Well, when you post 31 blogs in 31 days, you need to think outside the box a bit. And I’m pretty confident this has not been done before. So even if it’s lame, I can still say it’s original.

Oh…and by the way, I am so game for your Haiku as well. All I ask for is one verse if you’ve got it inside you. It’s asking a lot, but it would be so cool to see what you come up with.

So I present to you, the first ever Celiac Haiku.

I used to drink beer
Now Titos is my best friend
I love you Titos

Pasta oh pasta
You were so soft this morning
Now you are granite

Time for a sandwich
But when I take my first bite
The bread falls apart

Not since I was two
Have I needed so many
Naps during the day

There is a bread crumb
On my gluten free counter
Time to disinfect

You told me before??
You’ll have to say it again
Yes…I have brain fog

Coffee and sushi
You are two of my best friends
Thank god you’re g-free

Order food naked
I will leave it up to you
What that really means

Dominos pizza
That was a half assed attempt
Going gluten free

Miss Kardashian
How was the In-n-Out Bun?
Gluten free?? Oh…Hi!!

What’s Gluten Relief?
It’s a scam for the ages
Please don’t believe it

Your intentions were honest
Please drop the amber

Celiac disease
It’s an autoimmune thing
A pain in my ass

There’s much we can have
Focus on the positive
It could be much worse

The month is now May
It’s Celiac Awareness
Let’s make it all year

To all celiacs
Let us journey together
Power in numbers

Mrs. Dude thank you
It’s not easy living with
Somebody like me

And to my Dudettes
May you be spared the curse of
The celiac gene

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56 thoughts on “My Celiac Haiku”

    1. The Gluten Dude

      I’m sorry Carol, but I’m going to have to penalize you two points for the 8 syllable second line

  1. That was AWESOME! I love this one:
    Celiac disease
    It’s an autoimmune thing
    A pain in my ass

    That should be our introduction. 🙂

  2. Great post! Love your determination:-D You are inspiring me … Thank You! Love your “Order Food Naked…” Haiku! Here’s my attempt …

    What once was tasty
    Is now my forbidden food
    But Health Abounding!

  3. A perfect salad
    My kids passing tortillas
    Drop right on my plate

    My perfect salad
    So full of yummy veggies
    Sits laughing at me

    Guess I’ve lost my mind
    A celiac’s got sixth sense?
    “I see dead salads” 🙂

    1. The Gluten Dude

      I wish I could travel the world…
      But when the day comes that I can, you’re coming with me to keep me safe.

    1. The Gluten Dude

      I would bet you were the only person to ever try this maneuver. Too funny (in a sad kind of way).

  4. New ingredients
    What the hell is xanthan gum?
    Where do I buy it?

    Gluten free is hard
    GF vegetarian?
    I may be insane.

    (I LOVE this post. :))

      1. It’s a new word this past week in Urban Dictionary –

        Ex. “See you in a Kardash” referring to how shee went through her marriage quickly. I thought it worked welI – fleeting – fad like! 🙂

    1. The Gluten Dude

      I’m sorry to hear
      That you are now one of us
      Your new life begins

      Please visit my blog
      I will help all that I can
      It gets easier

  5. LOVE IT!

    Bread… no, not for me
    Udis, Rudis, oh em gee
    Burn it… mmm Yummy!

    Dr. Seuss, help me
    I can have green eggs and ham
    but please, no wheat flour

  6. Soy sauce in the cukes?
    Another place off my list
    Of joints to eat at.

    This post brought much needed lightness to the last few hours. Celiac sucks!!!

    Another one:

    Spinach, eggs, and fish
    And I don’t need to diet
    But it’s all that’s safe

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Who I am. And who I'm not.

Who I am. And who I'm not.

I AM someone who's been gluten-free since 2007 due to a diagnosis of severe celiac disease. I'm someone who can steer you in the right direction when it comes to going gluten-free. And I'm someone who will always give you the naked truth about going gluten free.

I AM NOT someone who embraces this gluten-free craziness. I didn’t find freedom, a better life or any of that other crap when I got diagnosed. With all due respect to Hunter S. Thompson, I found fear and loathing of an unknown world. But if I can share my wisdom, tell my stories and make the transition easier on you, I’ve done my job.

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