If Famous Movie Characters Had Celiac Disease…

movie-characters-celiac
Dude Note: To honor Celiac Awareness Month and to help raise awareness of our disease, I will be attempting 31 blog posts in 31 days. My goal is simple: to make most of them not suck. If you’ve got ideas for a good post or if you’d like to guest blog, by all means, contact me. Your input is more than welcome. And if you know anybody with celiac disease, give them some extra lovin’ this month. They deserve it.

I put today’s post in the same category as my celiac haiku post. It really has nothing to do with our disease, but I figured, what the heck? Being serious all the time about celiac can be a drag. No need to explain this one…just humor me and read on. And if you’ve got some others, my blog is your blog. I’d love to hear them. —————————————————————————————————————————————–

Go ahead. Make my whey.
All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my endoscopy.
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to gluten me. Aren’t you?
(Credit to Laura in the comments below for this one.)
I love the smell of Pamela’s in the morning.
I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to eat this anymore!

Show me the Mary’s!
Gluten? We don’t eat no stinkin’ gluten.
You know how to eat bread, don’t you Steve? You just put it in the toaster and pray.
May the flax be with you.
I feel the need…the need for Udi’s.
I’m going to make him a quinoa he can’t refuse.
Gluten-free, for lack of a better word, is good.
As God as my witness, I’ll never eat pasta the next day again.
Say hello to my little food choices.
I see tired people.
A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. But first I had to make sure there was no cross-contamination.
You can’t handle the food prices!
Love means never having to say you’re Schar-ry (yeah…I know).
Dominos, we have a problem.
What we’ve got here is a failure to use my blue sponge.
Frankly my dear, I’m going to take a nap.
There’s no place like home. (No need to change this one since for celiacs…there is indeed no place like home.)

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54 thoughts on “If Famous Movie Characters Had Celiac Disease…”

  1. These are great. I will be thinking of Gloria Swansom when I get my endoscopy in a few weeks.

    Not a quote, but if Spicoli had celiac, Mr. Hand wouldn’t have given away his gluten free pizza because no one else would have wanted to eat it.

  2. Love. This. Totally sharing. I would like to add to the party, from Ghostbusters:

    “Ray! When someone asks you if you have celiac, you say YES!”

    1. The Gluten Dude

      Believe it or not, I’ve never seen Ghostbusters. I think I’m one of the last people in my age group who has yet to see it.

      1. How is that even possible? That’s it. Stop whatever you are doing now and watch both 1 & 2. For the sake of your children. And America.

      2. GD, I think you’re one of the last people on Earth to have missed Ghostbusters!! Please please watch it.

        Then you will understand why the line:

        This bit*h is toast !!

        will be perfect for another one of these entries.

        Please say you’ll watch it!!!

        and without humor, we would all perish!

        GREAT JOB, G-dude!!!!

        Thanks for the giggle!

        1. There’s somethin’ strange, in the neighborhood, somethin’ strange, and it don’t look good… I’m afraid of that toast!

          Dude, you HAVE to watch Ghostbusters, man.

  3. Aaahahaha! If I could get out of bed I’d be roflmao!! Thanks Dude, laughter really is the best medicine.

  4. Miss Dee Meanor

    This was my first laugh of the day!! I would share it, but very few of my friends on Facebook would get it. I can’t resist in joining in….

    Domino’s Pizza:
    “I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little intestine too!” – Wicked Witch of the West in “The Wizard of Oz”

    The pizza after you’ve eaten it:
    “I’ll be back.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger in “Terminator”

    After realizing you’ve screwed up:.
    “Houston, we have a problem.” -Tom Hanks in “Apollo 13”

    Your coworkers that afternoon when the brain fog hits::
    “Snap out of it!” – Cher in “Moonstruck”

    Husband later that evening:
    “I see dead people.” – Haley Osment in “The Sixth Sense”

    Husband a few days later::
    “It’s alive! It’s alive.” – Colin Clive in “Frankenstein”

  5. You’ll all be happy to know that I may have made some progress on the endoscopy/colonoscopy extravaganza. I suggested to my gastro doc that he just put a mini-satellite inside of me and then, instead of putting me through a procedure during which I ALWAYS wake up, he can just trigger the device and look for himself.

    I’m still waiting, but I can hope, right?

    Right?

    (right?)

  6. Love these! the “I see tired people” really cracked me up, as did the “Toto, I have a feeling we can’t eat bagels anymore” and “Dominos, we’ve got a problem.”

    Here’s mine (Ghostbusters):
    Who you gonna call?
    Glutenbusters!

  7. Oh Gluten Dude! What did I ever do before I discovered this blog! I needed that laugh. The celiac Hannibal’s cross contamination problem…my favorite.

  8. I don’t know Dude…this daily blog thing is so successful you might just have to continue it beyond Celiac Awareness Month!! Anyone agree??

  9. Gluten Dude, you rock! Pairing movies and gluten? Genius! Here’s a few more:

    Indiana Jones, Raiders of the Lost Ark:
    “Gluten. Why’d it have to be gluten?”

    Frankenstein:
    “Fire, GOOD!
    Gluten, BAD!”

    Dustin Hoffman, The Graduate:
    “Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to gluten me. Aren’t you?”

    Clint Eastwood, Dirty Harry:
    “You’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel brain-fogged? Well, do ya, punk?”

    Charlton Heston, Planet of the Apes:
    “Take your stinking paws off me, you damned, dirty gluten!”

  10. Hey, Gluten Dude! Thanks for the shout-out for The Graduate. A week later and this post still cracks me up — especially love the Sunset Boulevard one. Too funny 🙂
    ~ Laura J.

  11. I have had coeliac disease since I was two years old and I have definitely lot a lot of experience in coeliac disease. Here in England I am pleased to anounce dominos pizza, Pizza Hut and prezzos, all do gluten free pizza! Sometimes I want to scream when things suddenly change their recipe and I can no longer eat them, but more and more brands are becoming available to us for example warburtons bread now do gluten free, and also so many more people are aware of what coeliac disease is, and how to deal with it.

  12. Oh awesome ~ thanks for the chuckle …
    I love the Hannibal one ~ I love Hannibal in the first place (hhhmmm not sure what that says about me ha ha) 😉 And you should have made it a reporter that came for an interview LMAO … yep yep … someone from the media or one of the celebrities who make things more difficult ha ha … not a poor census taker. 😉

  13. Here’s an idea for another string of posts, “World’s Worst Jobs”. Patrol officer with Celiac Partner and lots of doughnuts! Astronaut with Celiac partner and all astronaut foods contain gluten! Talk about Lift Off! The list is endless. When my daughter and I have been glutened, the rest of the family plays this game till the “fog clears”.

  14. As God is my witness, I’ll never eat gluten again. ~Scarlett Owearhasmybreadgone

    Thanks for the Wednesday night giggles…loved it.:)

  15. Love those!
    Had to add a couple:

    Hasta La Vista, Gluten – Terminator 2
    Gluten is not an option – Appollo 13

    Right after I got here, I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce and I got rice noodles and ketchup. I’m an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a Celiac. – Goodfellas

    May the farts will be with you – Empire Strikes Back

    And

    You’ve got the wrong guy, I’m the Gluten Dude – The Big Lebowski

      1. You haven’t seen the Big Lebowski? Du-ude, c’mon! All the additions are by others are great..thanks for the laughs 🙂

  16. Love the Clint Eastwood one. Dirty Harry is my favorite movie! I would add “Do ya feel lucky, well do ya gluten. Go ahead make my day!”

  17. I can’t not submit the explosion from the belly scene at the dining room table in the first Alien movie!

  18. haha thanks for the laugh! my favorite is the hannibal one… the dreaded cross contamination!!! “There’s know place like home”…so so true 🙂
    Gluten dude you rock!

  19. Can you imagine if Sheldon, of Big Bang Theory, had Celiac? Oh, my!

    I figure Howard & his mom probably do.

    Quoting Howard, Jews don’t have hell. We have acid reflux.

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Who I am. And who I'm not.

Who I am. And who I'm not.

I AM someone who's been gluten-free since 2007 due to a diagnosis of severe celiac disease. I'm someone who can steer you in the right direction when it comes to going gluten-free. And I'm someone who will always give you the naked truth about going gluten free.

I AM NOT someone who embraces this gluten-free craziness. I didn’t find freedom, a better life or any of that other crap when I got diagnosed. With all due respect to Hunter S. Thompson, I found fear and loathing of an unknown world. But if I can share my wisdom, tell my stories and make the transition easier on you, I’ve done my job.

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