Gluten-Free Sex for ONLY $27

gluten-free-sex

How’s that for a headline?

I bet you can go the next nine years and never see the words “gluten free”, “sex” and “$27” in the same sentence.

So what if I was to tell you I could show you how to have safe, gluten-free romance and all you would have to do is pay me $27 to get this information.

You’d think I was kinda nuts, right? (and if not…I do accept PayPal πŸ˜‰ )

I mean, really, the only romantic advice I would give to celiacs would be to not roll yourselves in flour. And if you did, bless your hearts, make sure it’s rice flour.

Which leads me to this page:Β http://dianeebert.com/#/ref-offers/4560045410

I do not know anything about this person so I am not going to call her out personally. She claims to be a “gluten-free mentor” and I’ll leave it at that.

But when somebody on Facebook notified me of the $27 offer, my BS radar was put on high alert.

Here is what she offers:

“7 Secrets forΒ Safe Gluten Free Romance and Relationships. Want to know what to do to keep you or your gluten free partner safe when desiring romance? This is a $27 Special Report blah, blah, blah.”

Look…I didn’t buy it so I don’t know what the seven secrets are.

But if you’re going to spend $27, here is my advice.

Go get a couple of sushi rolls and a bottle of wine.

Turn off the lights.

Light some candles.

Put some Barry White on.

And you can take things from here.

And one piece of honest advice to the mentor: if you really want to help people, this kind of stuff comes off as kind of scammy.

I have nothing against making money, having sex or being gluten-free.

But when you combine the three items, it’s just a little…odd.

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37 thoughts on “Gluten-Free Sex for ONLY $27”

  1. Lmao!!!!!!

    Oh come on just $27 and the secrets are yours!!! Maybe she needs the money to buy herself some sushi. It’s a hard economy, dude. Girl needs to romance her man! LOL

    So silly and I hope no one falls for that.

  2. Jeez, Dude, I think you might have missed a few points on this subject. Certainly no one should have to pay for the advice, but having sex with a contaminated partner can definitely make a celiac sick!! Sure, being covered in wheat flour dust is an obvious warning sign, but there are many other things to consider! Did your partner eat or drink something glutenous before kissing you? What about toothpaste, mouthwash, shaving cream, hair gels & sprays, makeup & lipbalms? What about creams & lotions and those specialty flavoured “massage” oils? πŸ˜‰

    1. The Gluten Dude

      All tongue in cheek with today’s post Joy. Yes, there are things to consider, but you can find that stuff all over the internet and a lot of it is good old celiac common sense too.

  3. Everything about this post made me laugh this morning. Thanks Dude.

    If you click on the links, they are all affiliate links. I don’t think this website is up for anything other than trying to make money.

    And for $27, Diane better throw in a bottle of wine too.

    1. The Gluten Dude

      There are other things about her online that lead me to the same conclusion. But I simply did not want an attack piece, especially since I don’t have that many facts about her.

  4. Interestingly enough, the package itself costs $26 to ship so for $1 it’s a pretty good bargain. And I have to confess, I did purchase this and the only thing in the box was a shiny quarter with a note stuck to it that read: “Here is a quarter…go buy a clue.”

  5. I do believe the solution to safe, gluten-free sex was contained in the Naked Gun movies circa late 1980s and early 1990s … the full body condom, a surefire way to prevent cross-contamination between you and your gluten-full lover. =)

    1. awesome…a Naked Gun reference…fantastic!! πŸ™‚

      and if you are the Peter Bronski who has written the Artisinal Cookbook with your wife?

      well, I have to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. As good an amateur gourmet cook’baker as I am, I needed some encouragement and help when I was first diagnosed. Even my best friend, a chef could not tell me how to convert recipes and I was reading everything I could find,

      but YOUR pie dough recipe was the answer! You guys nailed that!

      The one thing I cried over (besides losing baklava) was thinking I could never have my Mom’s amazing apple pie ever again. It was my birthday “cake” my entire life (I was born on Thanksgiving).

      This last Thanksgiving, after recovering from being seriously ill for 3 years pre-DX, I made Thanksgiving dinner again. It was major hurdle to jump and come back from the dead like that.

      And I made the family’s traditional apple pie recipe, using your pie dough (I confess to using LARD in my version, however)

      That crust made my skeptical 85- year -old (and also GF) Mom say “OMG, this tastes like my mother’s recipe! “—meaning the flaky piece of heaven that has been passed down for generations.

      Three of us ate that pie in two days.

      So, please, give your wife a hug from this grateful baker.
      And one for you, too ! Cheers, IH

      Didn’t mean to interrupt the flow of the blog, Dude–but this is one of those moments where I am grateful for the celiac internet community. Otherwise, I never would have met the guy who helped save Thanksgiving and my birthday! πŸ™‚

      Of course if you are not THAT Peter Bronski, well, kindly disregard.
      πŸ™‚

      1. Hi IrishHeart,

        Yes, I’m that Pete Bronski. =) Thank you so much for your kind words. I’ll happily relay them to Kelli. Anecdotes like yours continue to remind us why we wrote the cookbook in the first place. We’re so glad it’s been a valuable resource, and that it’s helped you to enjoy a cherished family recipe!

        Cheers, Pete

    2. I was also adviced that condoms are made w/ wheat so you cant use those either. I almost want to pay this $ 27 just to find out if this is the same stuff I’ve been told.

  6. Maybe I am wrong, but I would think offering advice to another celiac should be free of charge, done in the spirit of comraderie.

    Save the 27 bucks for a nice bottle of wine.

    I have been urged to write an ebook too, but a lot of sick people do not have any money left after exhausting their finances searching for medical help. Some celiacs lose their jobs because they cannot work. I give it away for free. (Yes, I knew what that sounded like when I wrote it, and I am letting it stand.) πŸ™‚

    So here is my free dating advice.:)

    The answer is: Learn to cook safely for your mate. Let your GF mate choose the restaurant when you venture out. And for intimate fun stuff, just go PLAIN. No frills. Have the GE (gluten eater) take a shower first, if you’re really worried about what may be “on” someone.

    Just You and him/her . No fancy stuff necessary. (Can you imagine interrupting the moment to put on your glasses to read a freakin label on a tube of something or other?!) geesh.

    Whomever wears the lip gloss in the relationship (see, I am thinking of all scenarios here πŸ™‚ ) makes sure it is GF, have the GE brush vigorously, floss and rinse with a good swig of GIN after eating (or do not eat gluten that day, period! C.mon, give it up for the cause!! Take one for the team!)

    and the rest, well, if you do not know what to do by now after you’ve been given the “good to go sign”, well, you shouldn’t be dating.

    Dealing with this disease isn’t always rocket science. Mostly, it’s common sense. Have fun!….ok, well, I gotta go and see what the hubs is up to…..all this talk is giving me ideas…….

  7. Miss Dee Meanor

    Maybe I should sell safe gluten-free marriage kits. That’s BS, too! No matter what you do Taco Bell eventually calls their name and they come home covered in gluten.::)

  8. Gluten Husband

    What is gluten sex? My wife has celiac are there things we could be doing sexually that could be making her sick?

    1. NO! If you read through, you can see we are making light of this topic because it is a NON-issue.

      Enjoy!

      (absolutely no crackers in bed, though…..)

        1. but not the garlic ones…….

          but as someone I know pointed out, not naming names here πŸ™‚
          whipped cream is safer ( unless you’re lactose intolerant)

  9. I THINK THIS POST IS FUNNY AND I SEE YOUR POINT. BUT ON A SERIOUS NOTE I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT GLUTEN/WHEAT CAN LIVE IN THE SPERM FOR 3 MONTHS. SO A SEVER CELIAC COULD GET SERIOSLY ILL IF THEY WERENT WITH A GLUTEN FREE PARTNER. NOW HAS ANYONE ONE ELSE WORRIED ABOUT THIS? I TRULY WANT TO KNOW ARE YOUR PARTNERS/ WIFES AND HUSBANDS GLUTEN FREE?

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Who I am. And who I'm not.

Who I am. And who I'm not.

I AM someone who's been gluten-free since 2007 due to a diagnosis of severe celiac disease. I'm someone who can steer you in the right direction when it comes to going gluten-free. And I'm someone who will always give you the naked truth about going gluten free.

I AM NOT someone who embraces this gluten-free craziness. I didn’t find freedom, a better life or any of that other crap when I got diagnosed. With all due respect to Hunter S. Thompson, I found fear and loathing of an unknown world. But if I can share my wisdom, tell my stories and make the transition easier on you, I’ve done my job.

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