17 Gluten/Celiac Headlines I'd Love to See

gluten-headlines

“All Beer Now Gluten Free”

“Rafael Nadal Eats Five Loaves of Bread: Wins Wimbledon”

“Gluten-Free Groceries No Longer Double the Price of Normal Groceries”

“B-list Celebrity Goes on Gluten-Free Diet. Gains 70 Pounds.”

“John Doe has Stomach Ache. Does Not Blame Gluten.”

“Gluten Declared Illegal Substance”

“Government Says All Gluten-Free Food Now Tax Deductible”

“All Italian Restaurants Now Carry Gluten-Free Pasta”

“Snow White says Sleepy Now Gluten Free and Wide Awake”

“Afternoon Naps for Celiacs Mandatory”

“Morning-After-Gluten Pill Comes to Market”

“Celiac Disease Declared Off-Limits to All Children”

“Number of Confirmed Celiac Symptoms Falls Below 1,000”

“All Physicians Now Properly Trained in Celiac Diagnosis”

“Everything Labeled Gluten-Free is Actually Gluten-Free”

“The Gluten-Free Fad Diet is Officially Over”

“The Gluten Dude Discovers a Cure for Celiac Disease”

Do you have a headline you’d like to see? Would love to hear it.

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19 thoughts on “17 Gluten/Celiac Headlines I'd Love to See”

  1. Brilliant! How about this one:
    a national holiday has been declared as Celiac Day. On that day, everyone has to take the day off and eat a strict gluten-free diet so they can begin to experience what we have to go through every day.

    1. National Celiac Day…I like it. Can it fall on the same day as Thanksgiving to make it extra challenging for everyone?

    2. I went to Celiac Awareness Day at Citi Field and an irate customer couldn’t figure out why the bread tasted like garbage and fell apart. The poor food worker just kept saying he was in a GF section for the awareness day which didn’t appease him. He was irate – and didn’t want to be inconvenienced to go to a different section to get “real food.” All I wanted to say to him was “How about some compassion for those of us without a choice?” … or something similar albeit less tasteful (no pun intended!)

  2. Great list ! !
    I had a good laugh at “Government Says All Gluten-Free Food Now Tax Deductible”.

    In Canada you actually can (must have CD diagnosis from DR sent in with taxes) claim GF food at tax time. But it’s more insulting than helpful in all honesty. I tried claiming for many, many years with no luck. You literally need to spend more than a third of your income on GF food alone to see anything back. One year I received one whole dollar back from the food claim. The other thing making it difficult is that you need to submit every single receipt with a GF food purchase on it. To make matters worse, most receipts do not say “gluten free” beside said items, making it difficult to claim.

    I would like to add these to your awesome list :

    “Gluten Free Is Affordable”

    “Mandatory Symptom Simulator For Those Who Doubt Necessity Of Gluten Free Diet”

    “Look At All Those Gluten Free Coupons”

    “Gluten Free, Not Taste Free”

  3. This is a great list, I love it! I needed the laugh today.

    I would like to add: “gluten-free diet actually does make you lose weight, gluten-free replacement foods, and all!”

    and

    “Warm, crusty baguettes in France actually are special gluten-free phenomenon.”

  4. Great headlines lol . I really hope “Rafael Nadal Eats Five Loaves of Bread: Wins Wimbledon” and “The Gluten-Free Fad Diet is Officially Over” become true this year 😀

  5. “Totally Dedicated Gluten Free Restaurant Chains Flood the Country”.

    and

    “New Statistics Reveal Gluten Eaters Now in the Minority”

    Love your headlines, BTW & thanks for the chuckles.

  6. I have one…..

    “The Attention Starved Hippies Finally Admit That They Are Faking!! All So-Called Celiacs Are To Be Stoned Today!!”

      1. Naw dude, not a dig. These wannabes self diagnose as Celiac and drive me nuts. Whenever I say I’m gf I get the “she’s one of those” eye rolls. People don’t take me seriously as it is. Yes, a bite WILL kill me. But it won’t kill a poser on cheat day. This isn’t a fad, its life and death for me and its not taken seriously (I’m super sensitive to even CC and have internal intestinal bleeding when I get glutened) because of these POSERS.

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Who I am. And who I'm not.

Who I am. And who I'm not.

I AM someone who's been gluten-free since 2007 due to a diagnosis of severe celiac disease. I'm someone who can steer you in the right direction when it comes to going gluten-free. And I'm someone who will always give you the naked truth about going gluten free.

I AM NOT someone who embraces this gluten-free craziness. I didn’t find freedom, a better life or any of that other crap when I got diagnosed. With all due respect to Hunter S. Thompson, I found fear and loathing of an unknown world. But if I can share my wisdom, tell my stories and make the transition easier on you, I’ve done my job.

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