A Poem for Linda…Who Says I Deserve to be Sick

celiac sick

Oh Linda, Oh Linda
Where do I start?
You so hurt my feelings
You so broke my heart

I guess the best place
Is to start at the top
Though be patient with me
As my tears have not stopped

I made a simple post
On my Facebook page
That I was “celiac tired”
And you flew into a rage

Why did you get
So angry and mad?
Why did you dump on me
When I was such a tired lad?

Let’s start with the insults
Cause they were so clever and smart
You called me a “celiac a**hole”
And that was just the start

You also clearly stated
That “I deserved to be sick”
And what was your reason?
Simply because I didn’t click??

You see you were pissed
That I don’t click “like” on every single comment
And just from that
Man…you got so bent

You said I should change my name
From Gluten Dude to Gluten Rude
That I have no intelligence
And a major attitude

You said my whole thing
Was simply an act
It was not an opinion
You were stating it as fact

I replied to you “Hey Linda”
“This is not my full-time gig”
I do this from the heart
Cause this community I really dig

If I had the time
I’d reply to everyone
I so appreciate their input
Even yours Linda…my angry little one

But I run a company
And I have a family
And those things take precedence
Why can’t you see?

I tried to explain
I tried to defend
When words wouldn’t work
I suggested you kiss my rear end

But here’s the thing Linda
You are not alone
I’ve been dragged through the dirt
I’ve been chewed like a bone

There are quite a few people
Who I’ve totally pissed off
And we’re not talking Kardashians
Or Dr. Oz and that stuff

We are talking about people
In the celiac community
Who have banded together
And turned against me

They say that I’m negative
Or I’m in it for the money
See all the ads on this site?
Now don’t you feel funny?

Now frankly I don’t care
If everyone likes me
But to question my “agenda”
Is something that strikes me

It strikes me as odd
And totally out of place
It strikes me as mean
Would you say that to my face?

You advocate your way
I’ll advocate mine
It’s a big celiac community
There’s room for all kinds

So I’ll continue to be passionate
And hopefully understood
Occasionally I may misfire
But my intentions are good

So Linda dear Linda
It’s now time to part ways
We can agree to disagree
It’s no need to get crazed

It’s now time for a Tito’s
Or a Groundbreaker beer
I’ll make a special toast to you
And I’ll make it quite clear

Don’t be a hater
Life is too short
A blogger is not worth it
To get out of sorts

I wish you good health
From one celiac to another
If you ever want to reconnect
Nah…don’t even bother

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89 thoughts on “A Poem for Linda…Who Says I Deserve to be Sick”

  1. I’m so frustrated that people are banding together against you. There has never been a question in my mind that you are here to help us. ALL of us. For all the right reasons.

    Get it together, people. Sheesh.

      1. I’ve only recently discovered your blog, but I really appreciate it. I don’t even know if I have Celiac’s. I don’t think I do, but I think I might be gluten sensitive. I’m going to try going gluten free–but decided to be “good” and get tested first. My GI’s receptionist was downright rude and wouldn’t even let me make an appointment, because my most severe symptoms are not GI related. Hopefully my GP will do the test on Wednesday. I’m kind of planning a sit-in if he won’t.

        All the info here and invitations for discussion and feedback have been really comforting.

  2. Thankful for Whole Foods

    Dude – great rhyming! Even better advocacy….you are right – life is too short. Thanks for having such thick skin and standing up for the gluten free community! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – your blog is a HUGE help to me. THANK YOU!

  3. Where do I start?
    (YO KEN! I am going to post a long one now, so get ready…:) )

    Are you kidding me? Seriously? what is this woman…10? lmao

    So glad I miss these various exchanges on FB, twitter and wherever else people post their many angry thoughts. Call me a dinosaur, but I seem to do all right without being a part of all that social media circus. (besides, I take enough guff on two sites already) lol

    FB is just an open space for people to “like or dislike” anything about you–which essentially is the same as putting yourself out there for ridicule, judgement and scoffing. Who needs that crap?

    Hey, here’s an interesting note! πŸ™‚

    It is believed that in Roman ancient times, people used a” thumb’s up” as a sign of approval and”thumb’s down” as a way of condemnation, so someone’s life was spared or taken.

    Thumb’s up was encouragement to run the sword right through the
    man on the ground and thumb’s down (or hidden by being tucked inside a fist) meant “throw down your sword and spare him”.

    So, take that for what’s it worth ….and from now on, never give a rat’s butt about what petty people think about you.

    How many times do I have to send you this quote? lol
    Okay, here it is again:

    β€œIf you’re afraid to defend your convictions because you might get your ass kicked for it, you’re not really fit to advocate for them.” — James Carlos Blake

    Well, my friend…you are fit to advocate. Sorry you are tired right now, but I am not sure it is just because you have celiac, but perhaps with juggling too many plates in the air right now and possibly getting that CC hit somewhere last week? Stress –for anyone with autoimmune disease– creates inflammation, fatigue and pain, so.get some rest!!.

    You have to be well for your trip in a few weeks. I will be deeply disappointed if you do not make it down here. I mean, you do owe me a drink (or five) . πŸ˜‰

    1. Haha Irish Heart! I was ready.
      I remember seeing the post on a short break at work last night and thought, “me too Dude.” I didn’t get a chance to read the comments.
      And no, I didn’t take my B Complex yesterday- stupid considering I saw my doctor yesterday and she asked me about it.

      Dude, you answered Linda perfectly. Especially with the reactionary, anonymous nature of the internet.

      1. Ditto Ken. “Dude, you answered Linda perfectly. Especially with the reactionary, anonymous nature of the internet.” Dude we love you and all you do.

  4. Sooooo tired of the crap that people fling around. Like Irish, I
    have chosen to not be a part of FB etc etc either. I really don’t care if someone just combed their hair or is “liking” a brand of chips.
    Dude, you’re a lightning rod for this community. So, rest – if you’re on the floor, peel yourself off and drag your body to a softer surface.
    Hang in there, buddy.

  5. Hope you are feeling better. I have encountered many angry celiacs and the New GF people that are not celiacs but follow some fad Dr’s are really RUDE and I bet she was one of them. I have had negative comments on my cooking blog because I might use corn or potato or something not organic or Paleo in a recipe. I really feel your pain because like you I work a full time job and have blogged my recipes on the side for several years with no adds or money. It costs money to do and takes a lot of time so we are in a negative balance Dude. I am the only dietitian in the only hospital in a rural county who takes care of sick people all day. If I am posting a recipe for my celiac patient on food stamps that involves corn or potatoes or something she can get at Aldis and not a gourmet Whole Foods ingredient and you don’t like that, just go somewhere else.
    I appreciate your blog because you say things that I can’t say.

    1. Gloria,
      I cannot understand anyone who is that judgmental about food ingredients. For pete’s sake!…you’re doing a good thing!

      One time a few of my friends and I were discussing this phenomena of “Angry Celiacs” and I said “that would make a great name for a band”.

      Usually if someone is that angry or ill-tempered, it makes me wonder if they are getting glutened somehow. Gluten = the grumpies.

      I think what you do for others is amazingly generous and bless you for doing so much for those in need.

        1. Gloria, that’s perfect! Make it a medley with In A Gadda Da Vida (purely for the drum solo) and I think we’ve got ourselves a winner!

  6. You’ve made a positive impact on this community. Unfortunately, once that happens, the negative nannies come out of the woodwork. They aren’t worth your energy. Especially when you have so little to share. Hang in there and know you are greatly appreciated by 99.9% of us.

    PS: Have you had your thyroid checked? I hate to add more stuff to think about, but have your B12 checked and get a thyroid panel done. I know, I know — if it’s not 1 thing, it’s 10 others. Sending good energy your way.


    1. I have “nagged him” for a long time about his thyroid and his B-12 and taking a B complex and probiotics—and he says “I will, Irish, I will!”…. πŸ™‚

      but thank you for saying it, too….maybe he will listen to you.

      1. You know I can hear you πŸ™‚

        I’ve been taking B-12 and Probiotics every day for the past month or so. Has helped tremendously. I have no idea what the hell happened yesterday.

        1. Can you guys recommend a brand of biotics? I took a store brand for a few weeks and it didn’t help at all. It just made me have lots of weird dreams, which was pretty cool. How long did you have to take it to get a benefit?

          1. Greg
            Different strains do different things.
            Lactobacillus GG is for chronic diarrhea.
            It’s naturally sourced and has been clinically studied. (OTC brand Culturelle contains it, for example)

            Multi-strain ones( like Florajen3 for example) help with many bowel and digestive issues.

            A specific commercially available probiotic, VSL#3 (containing 8 different bacteria), has been shown “to reduce the toxicity of gluten when used in a fermentation process” in one study. (Not to be used as a “protective shield” and then, eat gluten of course) lol

            I switch the brands up every few months to get a broad range.

            Our friend and fellow celiac, Jess (who is an MD) wrote about probiotics recently here:


  7. You are all kinds of awesome, Dude. This made my day. I was told the other day that my “gluten problems” were due to weakness of the mind and body. The haters just don’t quit. I was upset but after reading this poem, I’d much rather approach them the way you do. Thanks Dude!

  8. I was actually thankful for your “dog tired” posting, as I was recently diagnosed and it was nice to see that I am not alone in being so crazy tired some days. So thank you!

  9. Some people are just having a bad day and want to share πŸ™‚
    But I (for one) am really glad you are here, and I suspect that I have lots of company πŸ™‚

    I have put up with so much of this kind of crap from so many people that it just no longer registers with me…. other than the occasional sadness.

    Don’t let the crap put you off – those of us who need you here are worth your efforts and thank you immensely for being you.


  10. I had a rough week last week myself Dude. I hope you’re feeling better today!

    As for the haters, they’ll always find something to complain about. For those of us who live daily with this lovely little ailment, we shouldn’t dwell on it but we definitely have a right to complain about it sometimes. It ain’t all sunshine and roses! There are certainly worse illnesses out there, but that doesn’t mean that celiac is easy or any less devastating. I appreciate your approach because I couldn’t do what you do. Some things need to be said and if some people take that as being negative, that’s their problem. Just know that you are a very valuable resource to this community and we appreciate you!

    One final thought. I saw an online profile yesterday that said “celiac and loving it!” My only thought was, this person must be delusional. πŸ™‚

    1. Stephanie Gabriel

      I am new to this site and have been in tears all morning reading in print what others are sharing and it just so happens to be the same things that are going on with my body and in my head! Everyday is rough for me while I am still figuring this whole Celiac thing out and how to be healthy. I must say that your post was spot on! Thank you for posting and Gluten Dude, thank you for having this blog. I so desperately need a realistic view on this Gluten Free/Celiac journey!

  11. GD-

    meh. the haters. I have one small quote for Linda.
    “I don’t know you, but I think I hate you”
    Green Day

    Jersey Girl

  12. Karen Crutchfield

    Law of the Garbage Truck
    One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.

    My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.

    My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.
    So I asked, β€œWhy did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!”

    This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, ‘The Law of the Garbage Truck.’

    He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they’ll dump it on you. Don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don’t take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

    The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so …. Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don’t. Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

    Have a garbage-free day!

  13. How do people have so much extra time to devote to banding against a blogger? I mean, it takes some serious time and effort and it’s all put into being negative and malicious. Seems crazy to me to spend precious time and resources on something that isn’t productive and just breeds bad feelings all around. I feel bad for people who do not have anything more valuable to do with their time. It’s a shame they are missing out on all the fun stuff.

    1. I think there is only ONE reason that people might be against the Dude and it has nothing to do with him personally. The reason is MONEY. There are lots of people out there right now making a lot of money from gluten-free scams and if he calls them out it hurts them in their pocketbooks. I quote Shakespeare for the Dude because he is sticking to the high road and because it is my day off work and I’m trying not to clean house.

      For I can raise no money by vile means.
      William Shakespeare

  14. Well often I am happy my little blog does not garner attention as I can see how great sites like this one can sometimes be plagued with such negativity. I admire your approach to the “negative” people Gluten Dude … and as I have said in the past I really appreciate and admire your realistic approach to this disease.

    It’s not easy … there are days where it simply sucks … days where it is so freakin’ hard to just roll out of bed and get on with living our very busy lives. It is hard enough to explain things to people that don’t understand celiac disease or how gluten can affect your “whole entire system” to people without the disease, but it can be so disheartening when those with the disease attack each other.

    Thank you for keeping it light … even when the situation may not be … and putting once again a realistic twist on it ~ in the great scheme of things we have to just ignore the haters … WE ALL have enough to deal with on a daily basis.

    I thank you for being out here … and spending the time you do within your busy life … to be here for us all, advocate for us, stand up when you see errors and often put a twist on something that just makes us smile.

    I appreciate you … AND I hope you feel stronger soon … celiac tired sucks … I fight with it a lot ~ get some rest.

  15. One of the reasons I’m not on FB. I wish I knew why some people feel like they have to be so mean. The last few days there’s been pizza. donuts, muffins, cake, Ritz Crackers and Cheezits at work. Yeah, this damn disease sucks, and nobody deserves it. Not even people like the Linda’s of the world…….well, I might change my mind about that, because I am absolutely sick of this disease and the people who say it’s no big deal.

    Hang in there GD. You do good.

  16. Honestly, the time some people have on their hands to go around and spread their hate on the internet just amazes me. I appreciate that you advocate and engage. You are doing it well.
    It is amazing how 1 negative comment sticks out more in a blogger’s head than 20 positives. I’m trying to get past that and just delete, ban, and move on. I’ve got gluten-free cupcakes to bake…

    1. Michelle,
      May I have a cupcake please?

      Interesting….I just saw an amazing science story on TV the other day about this very thing.

      Apparently, there is a section in our brain that is activated when we are criticized and it causes us to hold onto that one negative thought and run it over and over in our minds. Has to do with our natural instinct to defend ourselves. ” Scientists call it negativity bias. The theory is that bad news makes a much bigger impact on our brains, and it’s been that way since the caveman days, when our lives depended on being able to remember, above all, what could kill us.”

      “We’re still walking around with this Stone Age brain right between our ears, with these ancient circuits in it,” said psychologist Rick Hanson. “So as a result, people are much more likely to remember bad news about somebody else, than they’re likely to remember good information about somebody else – thus, negative ads in politics.”

      Guess we ALL need to rewire our brains to delete, ban and move on?


  17. I love ya Gluten Dude and don’t ever change. I get Celiac tired too even when I have not been glutened. You help us. Some people don’t know how to keep their mouths shut. I hope you are kicking up you heels soon. Peace out and in.

  18. Ugh…why did her name have to be Linda? πŸ™ I like you Gluten Dude! Keep fighting the good fight! From the nice Linda πŸ™‚

  19. Dude,
    If my blog posts were only half as clever as yours, I’d have twice the followers.

    Here’s the thing: I look forward to my daily Dudemail. Reading it each day can make me laugh, or want to cry or just plain piss me off. But reading your blog *makes me* something.

    Well done.

  20. I guess this is why I’ve lost most interest in FB since I signed up a year ago – I really don’t get the “hating”. I discovered your blog a couple months ago and I like what I read. I am not celiac (that I know of), but I do know that I have virtually eliminated my fibromyalgia symptoms of 20 years by going GF (a change initially recommended by my son’s MD for his ADHD and ASD – there’s that whole GF sub-community too). A recent rheumatologist visit confirmed I still “have” fibro (trigger points, etc.), but I’ve had more energy than I’ve had in years (my husband was the first to notice) – I don’t hit those “brick walls”. When I do have a flare it’s much less lousy, and much shorter. Apparently I’ve cleaned out my body so well, that the couple of times I’ve been glutened, I actually got nauseous and/or ill (depending on how much gluten I got), and I never had gut symptoms per se prior to going GF. Why would I want to go back? I CLEARY have a gluten intolerance, and though recent research indicates that for me and others like me it might be something else in the wheat that causes it (and yes, I would sure like to know when when they figure it out), but for now the treatment is the same. I also like to volunteer that I read a medical study that explains WHY GF helps rheumatoid arthritis. We’re all in the same boat, some of us more than others (I thank my stars that I’m not horribly sensitive to trace cross-contamination, but I would speak out for those who are). Keep up the good work, Dude, and I’ll help you kick Dr. Oz to the curb.

  21. Thanks for your site! I don’t think you’re overly negative; rants and getting the anger out can be really productive. I come here and reread posts sometimes when I’m having a rough day, and it generally makes me feel better.

  22. Dude, hang in there! Love your blog and advocacy – it really has made a difference to me coping with this disease – though thats also through following IrishHeart’s advice and having a daily probiotic (IH – huge thanks – probiotics = amazing improvement).

    1. I may sound like a broken record about the ProB’s, LOU,
      but I am most sincere in my belief that they make our guts a better place.

      Some celiac doctors will not say they help, some say “take them!”
      and I say “the proof is in the pudding” (or the bowels, as the case may be) πŸ™‚

      Glad to hear you’re seeing good results and that you feel better!!
      Thanks for telling me this…you made my day. πŸ™‚

      Big hugs, IH

      P.S. I just switched to Florajen3 — love ’em! (not a paid spokesperson) lol

  23. Hi Gluten Dude,

    Thank you for the wonderful feedback! It’s not fun to have hater’s pitch a campaign against you. I stay as far away from them as I can and just surround myself with people who love me and I love. My husband and I love you, Mrs. Dude and the family. Thanks for being a part of our life and an advocate for the celiac community. I don’t always agree with everything you say, however, I try to be diplomatic and say what I feel with love – compassion- and forgiveness. The Linda’s of the world who are full of hate, only know hate. Now I’d hate to be a hater, they are usually miserable people. It takes alot of work to be positive and to advocate health and wellness for the celiac community. My hat is off to you! Kindest regards, Tandra

  24. Keep moving forward:) Love your blog!!! Have you tried Nascobal? It’s a prescription B-12 nasal spray it’s intended for people like us that aren’t able to absorb key nutrients like B-12 (energy source) since it’s a nasal spray it doesn’t go through the digestive tract it goes through the inner lining of the nasal area then directly to the bloodstream. I wasn’t having any success with the shots as it can cause additonal GI issues. Anyway here’s the link there’s a coupon available to use along with insurance that makes it $25.00 per month instead of $100.00 it doesn’t get rid of those occasional “Celiac days” but it makes them fewer and farther between.


  25. Wow! Great poem, spouse and I already turned into song! She sounds like her wiring is not quite right and no time for Linda. Too bad she had to hurt feelings along the way….Dude u are too smart, funny, and have a good soul. You have helped me in many ways. Husband back to 100% gluten free with me( he is big guitar player) amongst other things. You contributed to this decision! So bye bye Linda, gotta go, no energy for you, too much to do! Kim Kuehl

  26. Well, some of us love what you do! I’m not celiac, but gluten-sensitive and I am frustrated often! I’m glad you call out those you call out, you are so darn positive but you want to feel good, WHO DOESN’T WANT THAT?? If those who are “tired of our whining” had the same thing happen when they ate, the heads would roll! Keep it up, Dude!!

  27. Lolol you are freaking hilarious! Probably the best response you could have given! Keep up the good work! πŸ™‚

  28. In the words of my 8 year old Celiac,…..”She thinks she’s hot snot on a griddle but she’s really cold boogers on a paper plate.” I thought that was appropriate given Linda’s apparent maturity level. That’s all I have to say about that!

  29. OMG – ROTFLOL – you are so funny – that poem is brilliant – you are brilliant!!!!

    Cheered me up endlessly reading this – and I am a dog tired coeliac – so know exactly what you were posting about the other day – it really resonated with me.

    Weird what sends people into a spin – can’t quite fathom it – ?!!!!

  30. You’re so great, you can even turn a troll into a poetic muse! And what a fine poem. You are a man of many talents.

    I haven’t been commenting much lately–too exhausted!–but I read everything you post. You are a great support to so many. I’m sorry the self-hating, jealous trolls have found their way to you. I suppose it’s simply the mark of a well-loved and successful web presence… alas. It brings ’em out of the woodwork.

  31. Dear Gluten Dude
    Just had an itch
    To remind you that not every Linda
    Is such a *****

    Some of us Linda’s
    Understand your pain
    And appreciate your passion
    Without calling you insane

    Her ignorance is astounding
    And her stupidity absurd
    I for one so admire your smarts
    You are in fact, The Gluten Nerd

    Thank you GD
    For doing what you do
    So many lives have been changed
    Because of what you must chew

    This Linda says Thanks
    For all of your dedication
    To those of us looking for a good meal
    Without so much frustration

    She’ll get hers someday
    So I hope you let it go
    Let’s focus on finding a way
    To make some tasty GF sourdough!

  32. You know, Dude… haters gonna hate. I get this all the time in peer review for academic journals… it’s their way of leaving a mark because they don’t leave one anywhere else. Sorry I’ve been out of circulation (dissertation not recurrence of breast cancer) but want to tell you to ROCK ON.

    Glad to see you’re still up to it too, Irish…

      1. Been really busy with a dissertation and a national job search, which (may have) ended today. Nothing like a tenure-track academic position in a city where it’s easier to live gluten-free!

  33. Hey GD,

    That’s some great rhyming :).

    No matter what anyone says, you do some amazing work in your advocacy for celiacs which makes me want to keep fighting this fight :).

    Maybe you should introduce a like and dislike button on your blogs., Lol.

  34. I recently cut loose a so called friend due to a long laudry list of reasons. At the top of this list was her many insensitive remarks about how I caused my celiac disease because of my love of breads. another favorite remark of hers was, I dont’ know why you think this way of eating is so hard after all you can eat all the meat fruits and veggies you want, this usually is always as she is stuffing breads, pasta, pie cake into her mouth. these type of people i consider toxic and like any poison avoid them at all cost.
    I truely appreciate all the awareness you bring to our disease and the calling out people that dimiss celiac disease as a trendy diet. ignorant people can be so very exhausting and i for one don’t give them the time of my day.
    thanks again GD for all the good you do keep up our fight

  35. HAHAHA! Love this poem! Generally I would say don’t even give the “haters” a moment of your time…but this poem was great!

  36. I was having a really really bad day because I got glutened yesterday and my joints hurt so so so bad and I’m 21 but I feel 121 and I’m barely able to type because my hands are killing me but I typically don’t complain at work just keep popping oscillococcinum and DigestZen and pretending my migraine isn’t there and my gut doesn’t hurt and those farts aren’t coming from me and hide a snarl when a co-worker leaves early because she is “soooo” tired and wants to go watch TV so I have to cover her shift. But I smile and wave and try not to cry and when I get home what do I do? Log on to gluten dude of course and this just made my day a tiny bit better. thank you.

  37. Loved this. When I was diagnosed I found your blog very quickly and loved the honesty. No need to sugar coat. We have never met and may never(no trips to NYC planned for foreseeable future) meet but thank you for all you do and for starting this blog. Linda can take a hike. The narcissism of people on social media who think they are important. πŸ™„ You rock Mr. and Mrs. Dude.

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Who I am. And who I'm not.

Who I am. And who I'm not.

I AM someone who's been gluten-free since 2007 due to a diagnosis of severe celiac disease. I'm someone who can steer you in the right direction when it comes to going gluten-free. And I'm someone who will always give you the naked truth about going gluten free.

I AM NOT someone who embraces this gluten-free craziness. I didn’t find freedom, a better life or any of that other crap when I got diagnosed. With all due respect to Hunter S. Thompson, I found fear and loathing of an unknown world. But if I can share my wisdom, tell my stories and make the transition easier on you, I’ve done my job.

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