An Ode to Party City

gluten free ad

Party City has had a rough day. You know…with the whole ‘celiacs are gross’ thing. So I thought I’d write a poem to cheer them up.

——

Hey Party City
How was your day?
Like the Southwest Airlines ad
I’m sure you just want to get away

You can hide ‘neath your pillow
And not answer your phones
But all that really proves
Is you don’t have the balls or the bones

So I’m writing you a poem
So my voice is heard
To talk about your ad
Which was totally absurd

I mean let’s be honest here
Your ad really sucked
How low you must stoop
To try to make a buck

From planning to production
It seems no one had a brain
Now thousands of celiacs
Will never shop at your store again

It must have started with an idea
“Hey…let’s make a joke about gluten!”
Where do you get your ideas
From Vladimir Putin? (Dude note: I know…a total stretch.)

Oh…that’s right it wasn’t Putin
It was your ad agency
A company called Hill Holliday
Whose calendar I hope now has some vacancies

But it wasn’t just about gluten
Your ad assailed celiacs
It said that we are GROSS
It was quite the gross attack

So let me try to explain
I’ll use small words just for you
Since you clearly don’t understand
Our disease called celiac sprue

It’s an autoimmune disease
Affecting 1 in 133
Gluten destroys our insides
And causes infertility

It can cause cancer and anemia
And affect our thyroid as well
Osteoporosis and brain damage
Yeah…it can be like a living hell

But we are indeed a strong bunch
Such an awesome community
And we will not stand idle
As you deride us on national TV

You see over the years
We’ve been teased by them all
Fallon, Kimmel and Meyers
ABC, NBC, pretty much them all

Whenever it happens
Us celiacs have a choice
Do we just let it go
Or do we raise up our voice

If we do speak our minds
We get labeled as weak
Causing the “pussification” of America
And that we should just turn the other cheek

But what does that say
To the children who get teased
Simply because
They have an autoimmune disease

No other affliction
Gets such a bad wrap
Simply because food
Is how we prevent an attack

Now let’s talk about your apology
Seriously just stop it
As you only released it
When you thought about your profit

You called it ‘an error in judgement’
It was so much more than that
That’s simply just lawyer-speak
And it totally falls flat

You called celiac a ‘food allergy’
Which means you haven’t a clue
Again it’s a DISEASE
You gigantic pile of poo

And then you gave the classic
‘Sorry you were offended’
Again I’m sure it’s your lawyers
Who said that phrase is recommended

And then you apologized
To Sunny Anderson
Kinda odd you included that
When you were confessing your sin

And finally you said
You were making a donation
In support of celiac research
To make up for your defamation

Forgive me for not believing you
It’s just my cynic ways
Until I see some proof
I will not offer you any praise

Well I think I’ve said my peace
I’ve made my feelings clear
I would like to move past
This toxic atmosphere

One more thing before I go
I hope your lesson has been learned
Stop producing stupid ads
Or you’ll continue to get burned

And in case you haven’t realized
And this is just a fact
Don’t mess with our community
Don’t fuck with celiacs

——–

For those who have not seen the ad, Party City had YouTube remove my recording of it from my account. Ain’t that grand?

Hi again. Someone just passed me this link where you can see the ad: https://www.facebook.com/ProAdjusterChiropractic/videos/10209020823672715/

Yeah…it’s me again. Looks like Party City’s lawyers are keeping busy as the above link has also been taken down. But I found another one: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1613702/Video-Party-City-commercial-pokes-fun-gluten-free-people.html

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26 thoughts on “An Ode to Party City”

  1. That last line sums up my feelings perfectly, “don’t fuck with celiacs”. Thanks for the laughs when I wish I could punch the marketing group at party city right in the face!

  2. Hopefully some people will learn from this. Good poem. NHL tonite NYR at ANA 10pm EST Better stay up GD and relax and watch some hockey. I have every game with Centre Ice. I’ll be checking out Rangers and the Ducks. Thyroid is much more stable. No MS, lots of mercury fillings removed. Cloudy snow grains (gf) lol -6C 21F Go Flyers!

  3. You go Gluten Dude, you rock!
    Best poem I’ve read in years
    πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

  4. Tracy is in charge of PR at Hill Holiday.
    Here is Tracy’s email

    Tracy.Brady@hhcc.com

    Here is my email to her
    Tracy;
    How in the hell did the Party City ad that calls an community of millions of autoimmune sufferers gross? How does this ad do anything to differentiate Party City in a good way? There is almost no mention of Party City, it’s all about how gross people with celiac disease are.

    In my haste and anger I forgot to proof read and ad “get approved” after “gross”.
    Maybe somebody else could email her and ask finish my thought

    1. Sent her all of my best wishes that her calendar would be full and bonuses earned according to her attitude toward the people she just mocked.

      Also, a nice list of Celiac issues and a few beautiful DH pics.

      I’m sure she is reading NONE of her emails for at least the next week, though.

  5. I’m laughing and crying at the same time. This is awesome! This whole thing is so frustrating, but our community is strong! Thank you Gluten Dude for helping lead us…please never leave us!

  6. It’s very disheartening to read the comments to the main-stream articles posted about the Party City ad on-line (not the comments here, they are awesome of course). People in the general community actually thought the ad was funny. Seriously why do people think it’s funny to make fun of our diet? “No one had gluten allergy when I was a kid” someone wrote. Like it’s all made up. Thank you Gluten Dude for sticking up for the gluten free community!

  7. Never ever shop there at part city or other places or support people who don’t respect you.

    Well done dude! We all need to spread the word further right now .

    Yes. Celiac pride and celiac standards!

  8. I loved the poem, still Lmao! People can be stupid when it comes to Celiacs, they haven’t a clue. My wish? My wish would be for all the folks responsible for this shitty ad to walk in my shoes for a day after getting glutenized!!!!!
    THANKS GLUTEN DUDE!

    1. Well, at least one day of glutinization. The full three to seven days would be even better-the full experience! Who would want to miss days of achy joints, depression, fatigue, painful abdominal bloating so your on the bed on your hands and knees gasping in pain, and the best part… Peeing out your bum every five to fifteen minutes-FOR DAYS!

      I would also like to say, the commercial had the gluten free options/crackers next to the gluten items. Wouldn’t touch them with a ten foot pole-hello cross contamination!

  9. Effin awesome. One small correction – It’s Sunny Anderson they apologized not Susan. Not that it matters in the whole scheme of things!! Luv Yuh!

  10. The line “You can hide β€˜neath your pillow/And not answer your phones” reminds me of a similar one from Bruce’s Thunder Road and knowing how I know you from this blog, GD, I’m sure you were going for that sort of angle.

    So Tina, climb in, it’s a Party City full of losers, we’re pulling out of here to win.

  11. Heavy sigh . . .

    Damn, I just bought $40.00 worth of party supplies there a couple months back . . . they have lost my business!

    Thanks for keeping us updates on all the schmucks of the world.

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Who I am. And who I'm not.

Who I am. And who I'm not.

I AM someone who's been gluten-free since 2007 due to a diagnosis of severe celiac disease. I'm someone who can steer you in the right direction when it comes to going gluten-free. And I'm someone who will always give you the naked truth about going gluten free.

I AM NOT someone who embraces this gluten-free craziness. I didn’t find freedom, a better life or any of that other crap when I got diagnosed. With all due respect to Hunter S. Thompson, I found fear and loathing of an unknown world. But if I can share my wisdom, tell my stories and make the transition easier on you, I’ve done my job.

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