I’m in my first blogging rut in the 20 months since I’ve started this blog.
I haven’t written a post in 7 days. I’ve dropped off the social media radar a bit. I’m not responding to my emails like I used to.
I’ll admit it…I’m tired.
And then I begin to wonder…
– Have I said all there is to say?
– Are people starting to tune me out?
– Is all the effort I put into this blog worth it at the end of the day?
And with this self-doubt comes a nice side dish of self-loathing too.
Then I received the following email and it was the jolt that I needed. It was a necessary reminder that said “Dude…this is why you blog.”
I’m not printing this to pat my own back. And I’m not asking for high-fives from anybody.
I think I just need to read this myself as my own form of therapy.
Thanks for hearing me out.
Dear Gluten Dude,
My first time, I will try to be brief as I am still quite shell shocked. I may not make a whole lot of sense just yet but I want to get this out for now.
I just found out I have celiac disease. I am 53. My doctor of 3 years (who is fired) has sat and watched me lose 70 lbs in 11 months; all my muscle tone, my bones falling apart, rashes that would scare a war veteran, shaking attacks where I had to sit and hold my body down just to talk, actually not be able to talk, brain shut down, on & on…and has told me I worry too much, that I am exaggerating, lots of heavy sighs, eye rolls, etc.
I have a life story to tell & right now I need just to say this; I am now 89 lbs and my body is a wreck. My brain is mush.
I just stumbled on your website and it has been a couple hours now I think. I realized I laughed for the 1st time in forever. I was scared, I got over it and kept reading. I felt better. I started to feel actually brave! I am just starting this journey.
You are an answer to soooooo much prayer. I now have some hope! There are people like you and all these others right here and I am amazed!
I hope I make it because I have so much to give if I do. I am not being prideful, I know there is a reason for this life of so much confusion, the ups and the way downs, the wins and so many losses. I know I have a purpose, we all do.
It’s been so long but I guess that means there’s that much more to get better and finally give that much more back. I’m spent now, as I think you probably understand.
I hope you will let me keep in touch. I feel this is a beginning. I thank God for you and your community right now is all I can say. I really didn’t think I could go this journey by myself anymore and unfortunately it has gotten to that point pretty much, me and my 18 year old cat who I actually thought I might have to put to sleep an unbearable thought he is healthier than me and the only unconditional loving pain in the butt I have left that can bear to look at me anymore for pure frustration on most peoples part.
I have children who love me, but can’t bare to see me because it makes them cry and I have no answer for them. My 27 year old son stood here the other day and cried (unbelievable if you knew him, and heartbreaking for me) he said “Mom, PLEASE do something, don’t leave me; you’re all I have!”
Thank you again.
Andy Dufresne had is right. Hope is a good thing indeed.