Sometimes a celiac rant needs no introduction…
I live in Turkey and been diagnosed as a celiac 8 months ago. The thing is, every time I feel as if I’m doing real good, something goes real bad and I get glutened. And I feel as if my whole effort is stupid. I did not lose any friends over my gluten free diet but never asked them to be careful about my needs – that’s why. I always took care of myself everywhere we go. I always made sure to tell them not to worry. Especially in my country it is real hard to make people believe that bread is making you sick! We live by wheat flour here!
One of the most important thing that sickens me is my family. They actually are the ones that I expect the most but they give the least. I have been sick for almost 10 years before I got diagnosed and they always made fun of me, saying everything was in my head so after a doc said I was really sick which I was! I was really relieved- I did not cared if I had cancer! I was too desperate to prove myself! After it was sorted that I was celiac now- I was too weak, too emotional so that’s why I got sick (NOT because of my genetics apparently!).. All this did not stop there! Even though my dad (we share a house) can eat all the gluten he wants anytime he wants! only apart from the time we spend at home (approx. 2-3 hours a day); he still does not understand why he shouldn’t leave gluten crumbs everywhere!
My mom is the best just because she does try. My brother is not the best but his wife balances him – even made me a cake the first week of my diagnosis! But my dad… We always have a continuing battle. I started having heart aches and after a doc randomly said that I had a problem with my heart; I told him about it and he was like – they try to make money off of you, you are fine. This was the last drop! Hadn’t the last 10 years told him nothing? Nothing? I do not lie when I have cramps after I get glutened! I did not lie when I got depressed and wanted to die after being sick for ten years! And it definitely was not because I was weak! I am so mad, so disappointed. And the fuck, I feel alone! Apparently nobody does care and would care!
He is the one that’s supposed the love me the most. Fuck with this life.
And this country does not help you, they have no idea. When I tell people their look is so weird- how can gluten make you feel depressed? How can you not been having your period for the last 10 years because of gluten? How can you been throwing up etc etc. Even when I go out at night my friend thinks of me as the buzz killer because I cannot drink as much as them. My stomach is still sick. When I get tired my bf did not understand and always made me feel as if I am “not enough”. So we did break up at the end even though he was the one that is most helpful.
Fuck this disease and fuck the luck I have to have it in Turkey. America is the heaven, at least people are respecting enough. No week passes by without me getting glutened. And I walk around like a nomad with all my gf crackers etc.
What kind of life is this. This is not worth a life. I am apparently the greatest liability for everyone.
And did I mention gf products in Turkey are so so so expensive. It’s like a joke. The amount I pay for bread used to be the amount I spent monthly for all my food! I don’t have that kind of money. So kill me and end my and my familys misery. Apparently “they give and they give not to receive anything good out of me – not even my happiness which would be enough” shit, how I can be happy with you guys treating me like a lunatic?
So special thanks to you dad. You know nothing about human psychology.. And that fact that you don’t care just sucks.
Along with all this, it is so hard to keep a job when you are getting sick every week. I try my best, I get vitamins, I carry food, protein bars etc etc but even in a hotel when there is a dinner meeting it gets so hard. I got glutened last night from a hotel and this time it is really bad. I think I ate directly a pack of flour. Even at a 5 star hotel the waiter says I do not know and does not even ask the kitchen. When the chef tells you it’s fine there’s no gluten, you get real sick. What kind of a system is this.
I changed my food twice just to see from the open kitchen that they put a breadstick on top and remove it. I changed my salad just to see them remove crutons and twist the salad to another plate from the mirror. This is not working for me and I do not know how to be more careful. I come home to my bed to cry and find crumbs all over the bed because of biscuit package my father left so my cat dragged from the living room and played with on my bed.
These are tragically funny. I really am done with all this shit. I cannot afford to live apart from my dad. I will find no man to love me for who I am so that will agree to live in a gf food made kitchen because in this country everything is glutened. Everything you can think of. Even when you order a fruit they put gluten on it. Every factory produces something with wheat. This is like the Truman show version of my life just to see how long I can survive like this.
Dear glutendude, feel free not to post this, or to crop it as you want. I just abruptly stopped at some point because I realized I can write pages and pages and pages about how I am being treated because it hurts. Even if nobody is reading this mail thank you for the celiac rant.
Need to Vent?
I hate celiac. You hate celiac. We all hate celiac. With all that pent up anger, people need a place to vent.
Well…I invite you to lie on the Dude’s couch (figuratively speaking) and spew away. There’s just one rule: Once you’re done venting, you need to move forward and put the negative vibes on the back burner.
Positive energy brings positive results.
Don’t you feel better already??