99% Gluten Free? Really??


Somebody on Facebook sent me the above picture yesterday and I’m so glad they did. Although it perturbed me, it gave me quite a needed chuckle.

These brownies were located in a store in Hong Kong. That’s right folks…the gluten-free fad has gone global.

I’m partly amazed at the company’s honesty and partly disgusted at what this does for celiac awareness. You can’t be 99% gluten-free. That actually makes it NOT gluten-free.

Who are they marketing to? And how the heck did they came up with the number 99??

You see folks…there are certain absolutes in this crazy world we live in. It either IS something or it’s NOT something. But it can’t be both.

You can’t be 99% a virgin. Either you got your groove on or you didn’t.

You can’t be 99% pregnant. Either you’re riding the baby train or you’re not.

You can’t be 99% sober. Either you inhaled or you didn’t.

You can’t be 99% committed. Either you’re in or you’re out.

You can’t be 99% on time. Either you’re there on time or you’re late.

You can’t be 99% honest. Either you’re truthful or you’re a liar.

You can’t be 99% listening. Either you hear me or you don’t.

You can’t be 99% victorious. Either you won or you lost.

You can’t be 99% faithful. Either you can be trusted or you’re a dog.

And you can’t be 99% gluten-free. That makes it NOT GLUTEN FREE.

What part of free don’t people understand?

Celiacs live in a zero sum game and 100% absolutes are our friend.

I’m now 99% sure I’m done with this blog post.

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32 thoughts on “99% Gluten Free? Really??”

  1. Can’t help but wonder if they are poking fun at it all. The fad, or the soapbox artists in this Celiac world. Useless to the 1% indeed.

    But 99% of people can eat it…..so I see it as an entry level Brownie for all of those who want to experiment with the latest fashionable foodie trend.

    1. BAHAHAHa I guess we found the “gateway gluten free”, eat that & you will expand to totally gluten free. Don’t get too close or inhale it might be contagious!!

  2. HAHA~~I laughed when I saw the picture too! At a meeting last week, the caterer brought me gluten free items and I think they should of put that sticker on it because I got 99% out of commission for a couple of days after. Thanks, GD! I love your mind!

    1. GF catering that made you sick means they made your sandwich last, after all the others…to prevent cross contamination. Or like caterer I worked for before diagnosis put the GF sandwich on the tray with wheat sandwiches “to keep it safe”. Really the crumbs are safe, a little won’t hurt ya! 😛

  3. The Atomic Mom

    Not only was this good commentary on gf living and celiac, it’s good commentary on life. Commit to something.

  4. 99% Gluten free…
    = shorthand for saying “We want to cash in on the gluten-free fad but don’t want to actually be careful and test for gluten in our product”

  5. This should start something, I like this way better than the kinda people…you can’t be kinda pregnant – but 99%, I mean to some that’s a feat, lol beautifuly written – you can’t be 99% you either are or youaren’t 🙂 Brilliant.

  6. Personal peeve…you can’t be 99% celiac. You either are or you aren’t. No such thing as “real celiac”.

  7. If I eat this, does it mean I will only get 99% sick? Or just be sick for 99% of the day? Or only 99% of my villi will be damaged? Gosh, what shall I do with that 1% of my time that I’m not dying!

    1. Oh dear, starting to wonder if I ate gluten today because clearly my brain isn’t functioning. 99% gluten-free would only mean 1% sickness not 99….

  8. Now I see what I missed while traveling and having no wifi for a week.

    I’m 99% sure I saw most of the ones I missed by now.


  9. Oh that 1% won’t hurt you- much- I am 110% sure that is pure crap! lol I love your attitude ..cracks me up!!!.. This reminds me of an inccident at a Local Eatery- which shall remain nameless because this is the only time I have had any troulbe there in two years of being gluten free – When the waitress came I ordered and went through my whole routine of how I am gluten intolerant and important it was that there be no bread, no rolls near my food, no sauces,not seasonings..ya da ya da and my husband- bless heart- added she has Celiac disease and told her about CC and we have to be very very careful.. the waitress seemed to understand .. and made a special note on the order NO BREAD in big letters- another wait person delivered my food with a roll sitting right on top of my steak..Of course I had to send it back. and ask that my food be remade completely from fresh food and stated- politely- why..I got this blank stare from the waiter and he said to me-” so you don’t want the bread- ummm ok”.. he proceeded to remove the roll and handed me back the same plate… so now I am getting nervous..We tried again to explain why that would not work. about that time the orginal waitress came back .I so relieved to see her.. She said “oh NO she was not suppose to have any bread- it says so right on the ticket- she has an allergy!” The she apologized and said she would talk the cook herself and make sure it was made right the second time- God love her…. More confident that this time I would be safe I relaxed..not 10 minutes later a different waitress came over and said – “oh honey I am so sorry it is taking so long on your food”..I said it was fine.. she said “would you rather have something else maybe bicuits and gravy or French Toast?” .. (GULP- run away run away!!)- no thank you..was my reply.. a second time my food was brought by another person- you guessed it with a roll sitting on top.. at this point I lost all confidence I could eat there and be safe.. My husband had already finished his meal.. I wasn’t angry but I wanted to cancel the order and get the heck out of there – they were clearly trying to kill me lol. But here was our sweet waitress again.. she was motified and clearly embarassed saying things like ” can’t people read!!, NO BREAD means no bread!!!- I am soooo soooo sorry . I promise this time I will stay with your food from start to finish”..then she went to talk to the manager- the manger came and talked to us- the manager knew me from previous visits and all about my food issues- she made sure the grill was cleaned, they used clean utensils changed their gloves..brought out a fresh steak from the back.. it was all good- and why I continue to go back there and eat often. Eventually I got my food how I ordered it. and never got sick. Our waitress got a big tip from us- bless her heart – I felt terrible for causing her so much stress.

    1. See, the problem is that she wrote NO BREAD. They gave you a ROLL!
      Don’t you realize that ROLLS and BREAD are different!?!?!?!

      That is the response that I got from someone who shall remain nameless.

  10. This is really funny on several levels and awfully close to the truth
    on another level. There really is no such thing as 100% gluten free. Even the food you make at home may have a trace despite your
    home having no gluten products in it, this does happen. Dedicated
    factories producing gluten-free products have the same problem which is why the 20 ppm rule has been passed. That’s as close as anyone can guarantee. And friends, 20 ppm is smaller than the
    naked eye can see, it is literally a drop in the ocean. Most of us
    cannot conceptualize what 20ppm looks like… so think of it as a
    cooked pasta in a giant pot which normally would feed 20-25+ people
    and that’s close. So eating out– even a totally dedicated gluten-free
    restaurant will have a trace of gluten somewhere. It won’t hurt you!
    It will not make you sick! The only time you will get sick is when
    that 20ppm level is exceeded– the roll on the steak, the crumb
    that falls onto your plate, the flour in the jar of spices to keep it from
    caking, the crouton that falls onto your salad. So beware! Ask questions, assert yourself in a polite yet firm way. And, please, let’s not go crazy with this.

  11. This at least is honest. Its like the bakeries that make goods labeled GF and put them in the case on the same tray as gluten items. I once had a bakery do this and so I led them into the truth trap. Ohhhh so you make your own GF stuff here? Wow! …. Guy becomes really proud, Yup all are made here on site with everything else….. So I reply in the same kitchen and everything?…..Guy even prouder, Yup we use the same techniques and do it all in house….. So I reply, oh well I can’t have any gluten, and if its on the same tray it has gluten because of all those crumbs, and if its on the same equipment then it probably has more gluten as flour stays in the air for a few hours and sticks to equipment, so its not really gluten free then as its surrounded by gluten touching it. They guy looked confused and was like oh yea…… I mean I guess its not if you can’t have any…..

  12. It’s probably made with non-Gluten ingredients but processed in a plant that is not entirely Gluten-free, so some traces (probably even less than 1%) are in there. Consequently, they decided, “Hey, why not hop on the Gluten bandwagon and see if we can boost sales through a quick label change.”

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I AM someone who's been gluten-free since 2007 due to a diagnosis of severe celiac disease. I'm someone who can steer you in the right direction when it comes to going gluten-free. And I'm someone who will always give you the naked truth about going gluten free.

I AM NOT someone who embraces this gluten-free craziness. I didn’t find freedom, a better life or any of that other crap when I got diagnosed. With all due respect to Hunter S. Thompson, I found fear and loathing of an unknown world. But if I can share my wisdom, tell my stories and make the transition easier on you, I’ve done my job.

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