Gluten Dude
  • So I received two emails, about three weeks apart, from a gentleman who is just a tad frustrated with his wife. It seems she will not let him eat gluten. Anywhere.

    He does not have celiac (or as half internet calls it…celiacs). She does.

    I am not sharing this email to make anyone feel bad.

    I am sharing it in the hopes that I can get them both to see the light, and perhaps save a marriage at the same time.

    High hopes indeed.

    Here are the emails, received about three weeks apart.

    Email 1: My wife has celiac and is forcing me to go gluten free with her. I understand that it’s important to keep cross contamination down, but for me this limits foods I can take with me to work, because at my work there is no microwaves or ovens, so I can’t reheat anything...

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  • First things first. Happy Birthday Bruce. 65 years young and still playing 3 hour shows. I ain’t here on business, baby, I’m only here for fun.

    Ok…moving on.

    Do you know there is a woman with celiac disease who has supposedly trained her dog to sniff out gluten?

    She says that one time she bought gluten-free chips but the dog reacted to the package and then she realized that instead of the chips, she mistakenly purchased gluten-filled crackers.

    And now she brings the dog to the grocery store, on vacation and even to restaurants. Yes…restaurants.

    Give. Me. A. Break.

    Look…being a celiac makes us a lot of things.

    It makes us sick more frequently then we’d like to be.

    It makes us plan almost every meal ahead.

    It makes it more challenging to be spontaneous.

    It makes us “defend” gluten-free as real and necessary.

    It can make...

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  • Usually, simple questions result in simple answers. The answer is either yes or no. That’s really the beauty of yes/no questions. There are only two possible answers.

    Here…let me give you some examples.

    Did I sleep well last night? No.

    Is iOS 8 taking more than 16 hours to download on my phone? Yes.

    Do I like having celiac disease? No.

    Was Seinfeld funnier than Friends? Yes.

    Will I ever be a professional musician? No.

    Is my hairline beginning to seriously recede? Yes.

    Is Congress doing a good job? No.

    Is Mrs. Dude the best ever? Yes.

    See…easy peasy.

    Now here’s one more: Is Heinken gluten-free?

    Now you and I both know it’s an easy answer, but let’s go directly to the source and see what they have to say.

    First question for you Mr. Heineken…what are your ingredients?

    “Heineken contains water, barley malt and hops.”

    Great…thanks. So then does...

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  • Folks…going gluten-free is just not that difficult. It really isn’t.

    Is it limiting? It can be at times.

    Is it isolating? Only if you let it.

    Do I enjoy it? Not really.

    But is it difficult? No.

    Yet over the years, I’ve received a boat load of emails from my fellow celiacs who have a (sister, brother, mother, father, aunt, uncle, second cousin on Trudy’s side of the family, you get the point) who it seems have obvious health issues related to gluten, but absolutely refuse to get tested or give it up on their own.

    Here is an email I just received last week…

    Dear Gluten Dude,

    Alright, so I was diagnosed with Celiac disease a couple of years ago, and it’s been long and painful to make the story short and simple.

    My Grandma has been allergic to gluten and dairy and soy for going on 20 years....

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