I live at the Jersey Shore (Bruce!!!) and where I once found gluten-free beer quite easily, it’s getting impossible all the sudden. So I wrote a poem about my troubles. Because…why not.
Gluten-free beer, oh where are thee?
Where you once were, you no longer be.
Glutenberg was once so easy to find.
Now it’s like looking for a diamond in a coal mine.
Ground Breaker, Ghostfish and even Evasion.
Have all been taken over by the hard seltzer invasion.
There’s High Noon and White Claw, and something called Truly.
All replacing our beer, and done rather cruelly.
My app once had over 17,000 locations.
To find GF beer, no matter your vocation.
But in early 2025, when the new app version appears.
It may not include where you can find GF beers.
What about you? Are you having any luck?
Or do you not imbibe beer, and you don’t give a f**k?
But for those who do enjoy one (or two or three).
Are you able to find them, and perhaps it’s just me?
Please let me know, so I’m not overreacting.
Perhaps it’s just my stores where beer is lacking.
I miss my Friday nights, sipping tequila and a beer.
Just thinking about it, I can’t help but shed a tear.
For now I’ll hold the memories of those sweet GF brews.
As I sip my tequila, or some other booze.
In closing I’ll make a toast, so everyone raise your glass.
I promise to do my best to not make it crass.
How about we celebrate and give our thanks.
To the awesome GF breweries who continue to fill their tanks.
With rice, quinoa and millet, and other gluten-free grains.
And to their entrepreneurial spirit that runs through their veins.
Three cheers to you all, you are more than appreciated.
For the stouts and the pilsners and all that you created.
Perhaps one day soon, my shelves will once again my filled.
With all the GF libations that are expertly distilled.
Until that day comes, you don’t need to worry.
No “OMG…is Dude ok??” or some other kind of query.
And now it’s time to bring this toast to an end.
Cheers to this wonderful community, and all my celiac friends.
🍻🧡🍻🧡🍻🧡🍻🧡🍻🧡🍻🧡🍻🧡
