Dear Gluten Dude: Any Dating Tips for a Single Guy with Celiac?

First dates don’t have to involve meals. Go do something active together, run, bike, skate, swim, ski, roller blade. Then go for lemonaid or coffee. Go to a concert. Pack your own picnic for the lake, bring some photos from when you were a kid or of a recent vacation, to keep the conversation rolling. Head to the movies, then take a walk under the stars.

Cook for her on a subsequent date, and explain the ingredients as you go so she understands what is different (or not so different depending on the recipe).

Most importantly, be yourself, be open, be a good listener, be a good sharer about yourself. Make eye contact, smile, be friendly. Be interested in her abd be present in the moment.

Carry a new packaged toothbrush and toothpaste for both of you if you want to kiss her so you don’t get cross contamination. 😉

Just tell her what’s up! When you’re planning your date, ask what kind of food she likes, then try to find a gluten-free restaurant that serves it.

If you don’t have a lot of gluten-free restaurants near you, just explain that you have Celiac, suggest what restaurants you can go to, then let her pick.

I like the idea of a date that doesn’t involve dinner, too! I know as a single gal I would enjoy doing something on a first date that didn’t involve me being self-conscious every time I took a bite, or constantly worrying if there’s something in my teeth! AND ladies loooove the “cook for her” idea that Tracey mentioned. It shows us that you can do more than pick up the phone and order take-out!

Good luck on the dating scene! 🙂

I like the Dude’s advice on this one – go where you know it’s safe and if asked be straight up cool and confidant with a little meh…food is such an intergral part of society, it’s hard to avoid it – you might come off as being cheap not to go to dinner…thanks goodness I’m old, female and married I think you dudes have it way rougher than us in some ways. Best of dating luck -I hope for a love story from you in the future,

I love all the suggestions given here. But I also second GD’s idea – do some planning ahead of time. Have some restaurants you know in your back pocket so you don’t have to worry as much about the food. Throw a set of the basic restaurant cards in your wallet (Spanish, Japanese, and Polish work well in Chicago, but that may not work elsewhere).

Also, when it comes to the date, don’t be shy about it. Confidently talk to the servers. Make like this is not a stressful, unusual situation for you but an everyday thing that you can handle (because you have to), and she won’t be weirded out. Seriously. Chicks dig confidence and we respond to how the other person on the date is handling things.

That said, planning your dates around non-food activities is a good idea, but be prepared that a food situation may come up, and you’ll do fine. (Might I also suggest cider tastings or vodka events so the beer issue doesn’t come up? 😉 )

There are some really good suggestions above. It’s tough to say because I am a long-time removed from college and have been married for the better part of 10 years, so dating someone new isn’t exactly in my realm of knowledge these days. BUT, I think you just have to be creative and think outside the box. It’s a tough conversation to have with people when you first meet someone, so if it’s that uncomfortable, try to steer clear of eating out. You can go to a movie or rent a movie and get your own popcorn and snacks you’re sure you can have. You could go for coffee at a place you know to be safe….or go for ice cream in the same way. You could definitely order take out from someplace you know you’ll be okay to order from and just order out of ear shot. Depending on where you live and what’s available, there are a lot of pizza places now that offer GF pizza or ever GF take-and-bake pizza, so maybe that’s an option. You wouldn’t even have to tell her it’s GF unless you wanted to. Definitely cooking her dinner would be nice, but some guys don’t like to cook and if you live in an apartment with other guys, that’s probably out too….the whole privacy thing. I would say that your best bet is to try to find some things to do that don’t involve food. Give it a few dates and see how it goes. If you really like the girl, then tell her. And if she really likes you, she won’t care. It really shouldn’t be that big of an issue if someone matters. Good luck!! 🙂

Nothing – NOTHING – is as sexy as honesty! We love it when men open up emotionally – so after you meet someone you like, bring it up casually and then just go for it. Impress her with dates that don’t involve food – or cook meals for her in the safety of your own house! Then bring up your story with a bottle of wine. Don’t treat it like ex-girlfriend baggage – just describe it as part of you that’s important to you. A girl has to respect that about you, or at least understand it. And if she doesn’t, she’s not the one!

I agree with the other commenters: don’t do food dates.
Not just because of the celiac issue. Frankly, food dates are kind of lame. So many things to do that don’t involve staring across a booth and worrying if you need to pick food out of your teeth.
Also, way more budget friendly to go to a local outdoor festival, go to a weird museum you never had an interest in going to before, go to the thrift store and try on crazy coats, go to the arcade and blow some quarters, play board games at your friendly neighbourhood board game cafe (what, your city doesn’t have one of these?).
The possibilities are endless. You can impress her with your personality and build rapport before you feel like celiac is going to get in the way.
As a single girl with multiple food allergies, I cringe at the idea of the “food date.” How do I handle it, what if I get sick, can I sit there without eating if it feels unsafe?
The best was when I dated a guy and we just never ended up having the “food date” and never spent much money going out, apart from cover at shows or cups of coffee. It was such a relief not to have to worry about the food issue. I could just be myself and have a great time.
Also, if you’re looking for the keeper, she’ll be someone who sees YOU, not the celiac disease.

Yeah, recently I’ve been dating a bit, so I’ve got this covered. My string of early dates: a hike, a coffee, another hike, bowling, supper at his house, supper at my house, a movie, an art gallery, dancing, more dancing, workout together at a gym, salsa lessons, skiing. The one time a guy took me out for a meal after a first date at the art gallery (he was famished), he ate and I had a drink. I said that was cool (I’d eaten before). But at some point, I picked up his plate and SMELLED it. It smelled so good! I asked him first, but he still looked at me weird… that one didn’t last.

I’m a fellow (female) college celiac who also struggles with dating. I tend to prefer to drop the Celiac/ gluten bomb much later into the relationship unless there is unavoidable (life or death) situation where I absolutely must tell them. While I agree with the foodless date ideas (all good!) sometimes situations with food become inevitable, which subsequently can become disastrous. (If you’re on a foodless date, and say it’s going well, at one point or another SOMEONE will get hungry!) I find it necessary to prepare just in case.

Speaking of dating, I am one of those Celiacs who is absolutely SICK and tired of being *that* customer at restaurants. I’ve been strictly gluten free for 8 years now, and I am STILL terrified of eating out. Even more terrified of eating at someone else’s house…don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. It’s next to impossible to go on dates (especially with someone new) without feeling like you’re being difficult and making a bad impression. It’s exhausting to be the one – EVERY time at a restaurant – who asks too many questions, makes a million food substitutions, AND has to call over the manager to ensure that there is no cross-contamination, etc etc. A good date can go completely awry just because you’re being interrupted every 5 minutes with another gluten question. Sometimes you feel like you’re being treated like royalty “Ma’am, this dish has been prepared on it’s own pan and in a completely separate part of the kitchen from everything else…” but most of the time it makes you out to be a pretentious gluten-free snob. Frustration and self-consciousness kick in. And of course, there’s always the likelihood that the server will smile and nod and say “of COURSE there will be no gluten on that! …Soy sauce is okay, right?”

But we can’t avoid restaurants forever if we want to have a semi-decent social life. So how to deal with the inevitable food confrontation? If you must go out to dinner, I always call ahead and ask if there is someone at the restaurant who knows what Celiac disease is or understands how to handle food for a customer with a severe gluten allergy. Often, someone at a good restaurant knows what celiac is. I just ask the manager (or server etc) which items on the menu can be prepared completely gluten-free (for celiacs….not mostly ‘gluten free’). Then I know what I’m ordering (no need for questions!). The last step in the phone call is to make sure that the person you spoke with will be present during your date. Have them write it down if they won’t be there (i.e. Thursday night expecting Celiac customer). I have been lazy at restaurants (I remember all too well taking a bun off a burger last month…..hospitalized the next week), and I cannot stress enough the importance of making sure the kitchen is not caked in flour when you arrive. If you need to, mention that if you get glutened, a 911 call might be in order. That will get their attention to take you seriously. All of this pre-planning ensures minimal pain-in-the-ass attention. And since the restaurant has time to prepare for your arrival, you won’t need to worry about your date thinking you’re a crazy, eating-disordered person.

But what to do about the spontaneous food situation when you can’t plan ahead for days? That’s easy. Go to a bar! Get a casual glass of wine, or, my fave, vodka soda w/lime. Any girl would gladly substitute food for liquor, especially if she’s the self-conscious around eating type.

If food absolutely beckons: SUSHI. just plain sashimi. Rolls can be too risky. Just don’t use the soy sauce. If you eat rice, go for it. Sushi is the safest thing on the planet.

You can also risk the bunless burger….this is another of my go-to’s. Just make sure that the burgers are far away from the buns. At Four burger, if you order it bunless, they give you a free salad. Score!

Whenever I go on a date, I always make sure to fill up GF at home and head out fairly well fed. If it’s dinner out, I’ll have a salad with fish, chicken or steak, take most of it home and enjoy the wine instead. Most restaurants will have something like that. I avoid the ethnic restaurants (although I was always a bug fan of exotic eateries) because the spices can be tricky. Hopefully as you get to know your date better and she grows to like you even more, you can educate her and it won’t be a big deal. Good luck and live it up!

For a first date, just find a fun venue and go there. When it comes down to a second date, or whatever date involves a restaurant (which will come up quickly), just be up front and mention your food restrictions. Steer your date towards restaurants that have a variety of choices that include gluten-free. Early on, you do need to mention a major dietary restriction such as this one. (I mean, I don’t ever need to reveal that I can’t eat fiddlehead ferns, and can wait a bit to reveal that I can’t eat pistachios and pine nuts — and that I don’t want to test the less-likable tree nuts in the interim — but perhaps soon I might want to reveal I can’t eat “liquid egg product” since that food constituent is pretty prevalent. Unfortunately, gluten is multiplicity-more-prevalent!)

Personally, I’m not celiac, but I’ve read up on more insidious effects from gluten, and so at home I cook 99.5% gluten free — and if I were to date or marry someone who absolutely could not eat gluten, this would easily transform to 100%. Your date may be more understanding than you may fear. Since my reaction to “liquid egg product” mirrors the prime symptom of most celiac people (it takes just a little more to trigger it), note that you may find total empathy from potential dates from a broader range of people than simply other celiacs (or other gluten-intolerant folk).

Soooo… for a first date, gear it towards FUN, and if food gets involved, steer towards a restaurant with good gluten free options. Or nibble on something you can eat. After, be upfront, in a friendly way. I’d also (dating or remaining single) recommend learning how to cook yourself. You can get over the gluten hurdle by demonstrating a tasty turn of hand with herbs and spices on foods that never ever contained gluten. (My dad was, and my brother is, an excellent home cook . It doesn’t need to be a “girly” thang.)