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51 Comments

  1. 1

    Amanda

    Mine would likely be: RAWARWRARARERWRWGRRRRRRRZzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    because its not like I can make anything resembling coherence or reason when glutened, and then I pass out… :/ My poor husband!

    Reply
  2. 2

    kj

    Mine would be Mean Mom. I’m not a pleasant person when I’m hurting and I hate that my kids have to deal with me in that state.

    Reply
  3. 3

    Jen Mathews

    Haha, never thought of that before but I think moaning mertal from Harry Potter, I always cry but then I can be bitchy!

    Reply
  4. 4

    Fiona

    Mine is Comatose Celiac, though really CC is for any time I don’t feel well and I can tell celiac is responsible.

    Reply
  5. 5

    Jennifer

    No cursing huh? Okay so I would say LADY GORZILLA OF THE BLACK HOLE! Or anyone’s worse nightmare come to life. I scare myself. It really isn’t pretty. When I do come out of those times and can see clearly again I feel so robbed of life. So not okay

    Reply
  6. 6

    Debbie

    After spending lots of time sitting on the toilet, laying in bed or on couch doubled up with abdominal cramps, huge headache, joint pain, super duper tired, I am CRANKY. I try not to be to family and friends but it happens. It’s not me talking, I think it’s the gluten coming out of me. Kind of like in the movie ‘Ghostbusters’ where Dana (Sigourney Weaver) is possessed by ‘Zuul’, yep that’s me, Zuul.

    Reply
  7. 7

    Amanda H.

    I turn into Kate from the movie The Cutting Edge…more sarcastic and irritable perhaps. It’s really bad if it happens over at my in-laws’ house. I can tolerate the annoyance I feel there on a normal day but if I’ve been glutened I really have no control over the amount of under-breath whisperings and secret eye-rolling that happens. Toe pick.

    Reply
    1. 7.1

      Alysa (InspiredRD)

      Haha, I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about. Me too.

      Reply
  8. 8

    SueS.

    Ms Asshat..:-) And leave me alone…I have to go to the bathroom.

    Reply
  9. 9

    Claudette

    Mine is simple: Bitch. To borrow from our blogging friend April Peveteaux: sometimes gluten is my bitch, and sometimes it’s the other way around.

    Reply
  10. 10

    Emma

    “She-devil” has spread to all the people close to me, like a juicy rumor….. friends, family, significant others.. it came from a boyfriend and stuck when he didn’t. I get a chuckle out of it even on my worst days.

    Reply
  11. 11

    amy

    Mine would be Mildred. I feel old, weak, and feeble when I am glutened. My mind gets all confused and the pain makes me loopy.

    Reply
  12. 12

    Sarah

    I would say I’m Tony Soprano’s mom, Livia Soprano, who, interestingly enough, suffered from IBS all her life according to Tony. Perhaps an undiagnosed sufferer of CD?

    Reply
  13. 13

    Greg

    Angus Burns, it kind of sums it all up.

    Reply
  14. 14

    Donna

    Walter. Get it? W-alter ego. Seriously, we actually called our son Walter when the time was right. Our normal sweet Douglas would become evil, angry Walter.

    Reply
  15. 15

    Susan

    Pukey McPukerson sums up the first 3 hours upon attack then I switch to Pukey McDiarrheason for the next 4 hours and then for the next 2 weeks I’m just Cameron Frye from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off .

    Reply
    1. 15.1

      M

      “When Cameron was in Egypt’s land…”
      I love that Ferris Bueller reference. Sitting comatose on the diving board. YUP.

      Reply
  16. 16

    Gloria

    Call me PATIENT. If you can believe this I have only been glutenated 3 times in 18 years and all three times were an emergency room visit, the third time, last year getting admitted as a patient in my own hospital where I work. The staff most definetely did not feed the dietitian any gluten while I was here!

    Reply
  17. 17

    IrishHeart

    SYBIL

    as in multiple personas
    they appear for 7-10 days if I get hit, which is rare, morphing into a variety of characters:
    Weepy,Achy, Burny, Spacey, Itchy, Bitchy, Sluggy

    I call them the 7 dwarves of “gluten head hell.” (That’s copyrighted, by me BTW)

    and of course, their little tag-along pals, Crampy and Poopy…. who round out the fun.

    They are visiting my house right now as a matter of fact. Little bast….ds.

    Reply
    1. 17.1

      Rastas

      Ha! That’s an excellent answer!
      Me… I get Hangry. That’s hungry/angry, although that happens if I get glutened or not. It gets more on the angry side if I feel yucky.

      Reply
    2. 17.2
    3. 17.3

      Claudette

      Sending you positive thoughts to heal quickly,, Irish…

      Reply
      1. 17.3.1

        IrishHeart

        thanks so much, dear Claudette. :)
        I’m turning the bend back to “me” again. lol
        but kicking myself for making a rookie mistake eating in a new place.
        I *thought* they had separate toasters (2 toasters in the kitchen–does not mean one is dedicated) and separate space (yes, they have that too, but what about that shared mayo jar and big tub of butter? hello? (ask for the little wrapped pats, dopey!) Yes, all the things I tell newbies to do, I failed at miserably this one time….ah well….. live, learn, (swear a lot) :)
        and move on. Rough week, and every bone in my body is screaming,
        but I recently moved to where it is 82 degrees right now, and I can moan about my own stupidity while sitting on the beach. I know I am blessed in so many ways, so honest, I am NOT complaining.
        Thanks again! ;)

        Reply
  18. 18

    Gluten Dude

    Awesome answers thus far. Here are some other creative gems from Facebook and Twitter:

    Fussy McCranky, Dough Boy, Debbie Downer, Annie Wilkes (from Misery), Carrie, Zuul (from Ghostbusters), evil twin Clara, Bitchy McBitch (love that one), Norma (from Psycho), Ms. Meanie, Cruella De Vil, Grouchyass, Elvira, Esmerelda, The Gluten Monster, Psycho Hose Beast, and possibly my favorite: Poopypantsleavemealoneworld

    Reply
  19. 19

    donna b

    definitely linda blair from the exorcist for me, I am I the only one here?

    Reply
  20. 20

    Alysa (InspiredRD)

    I feel like a lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude. (sorry, I watched Hook last night)

    Reply
  21. 21

    gffairy

    Rose Nylund from Golden Girls. I turn into a total dingbat who doesn’t know what the heck is going on and can’t remember the names of obejcts/people/places/everything!

    Reply
    1. 21.1

      Ruth Millican

      Me too!

      Reply
  22. 22

    Kathy

    She Who Must Not Be Named.

    Reply
  23. 23

    Jenna

    I would be Lady Meh. It’s weird, but the actual first on “Oh God, not AGAIN” when I get glutened is almost… a non-event in my head. I was sick for so long, and I frankly have the bathroom side of things down to a fine science. (No. Really. Some people have magazine racks in their bathroom – I have a massive bookshelf, as well as a lap desk for my ipad and/or laptop so I have worked off an on for years in the comfort of the smallest library in the house. A dorm fridge tucked behind a curtained area of the linen closet stocked with water, soda, Gatorade, even replacement meal shakes/bars in case I end up spending a whole weekend in there and have to try and figure out a food option while laying in the tub waiting for the next wave to hit. Phone charger in case I need to text out – I DON’T talk to people in there, I have SOME couth! – and a veritable mountain of the GOOD tp. all coupled with a tendency towards always trying to be seriously ahead of everything from work to laundry means that the initial shot to the gut, while miserable is a well worn list to simply check off and survive. It’s not fun, but, it was my life for so long it’s not a big deal.) Its the AFTER that is the problem. I already deal with a borderline case of manic depression at the absolute BEST of times, but the brain fog, the total lack of energy, the ‘here we go again, I might as well just admit this IS my life’ vibe is a total nightmare at times to crawl out of. Even as my body starts to get it’s stuff together and back on track, it seems like it’s just ~that~ much harder to care. New movie out, so a proffered date night with the hubby? Meh. Friends want to go grab a coffee or take a hike? Meh. It is just so dang hard to make myself CARE about anything. Each and every glutening it gets just that much harder to crawl back out from the hole, or to even get the ~desire~ to bother looking for the ladder, again.

    If Lady Meh doesn’t work, then my alter ego can be Eeyore’s cousin, the Glonkey (Glutened Donkey. Both because of the giant raincloud in my head AND the fact I’m positive I’m coming across like a real jackass to the rest of the world while I struggle to get back to being just Jenna again.

    Reply
    1. 23.1

      Gluten Dude

      That comment had a little bit of everything Jenna. Not sure to cry or to applaud ;)

      Reply
      1. 23.1.1

        IrishHeart

        glonkey –classic!:)

        Reply
  24. 24

    Janine

    I could be a character from the wizard of oz. since my reactions can vary widely. Sometimes I’m the cowardly lion because my anxiety is in full force. Other times I closely resemble the Screcrow because my brain seems to be missing, the Tin Man because nothing seems to touch my heart…I’m just numb, and Dorothy because I just want to go Home! Mostly I’m the wizard because I have to fake it and act like I’ve got it all together.

    Reply
    1. 24.1

      Gluten Dude

      Great answer. And don’t forget the Wicked Witch.

      Reply
  25. 25

    Dawn

    Just had my first glutening, I was a Weeping Willow, started with restless legs, chills, and sore stiff arms,and legs, followed by crying jags.

    FYI Godiva chocolate martinis are NOT gluten free . I found out that no Godiva product is safe after I Googled it at 3 am.

    YES, Breaking Bad best show ever!!

    Reply
    1. 25.1
    2. 25.2

      Kirsten

      I hate the restless legs, it drives me insane!!!

      Reply
  26. 26

    Kirsten

    Mine is Taz, as in Tasmanian Devil :)

    Reply
  27. 27

    Jersey Girl

    GD-

    Kick ass post. Needed a little levity after being poisoned by what the bleep knows this weekend. Alter personality? Melissa McCarthy.

    xo-
    Jersey Girl

    Reply
  28. 28

    Ruth Millican

    ” That sad, really easily confused chick, who looks like a professional basket ball player has been using her head for target practice.”

    Reply
    1. 28.1

      Ruth Millican

      Sorry I have a Gluten Migraine right now so a good name was not coming to me. How about “Undead Chick”

      Reply
  29. 29

    elen0sila

    Neurotic and Depressed Girl?

    The worst thing is (like today) when I ate something “gluten free” and end up unable to walk because of joint pain. I just start questioning everything.

    Reply
  30. 30

    Kev

    For me it would have to be the hulk, from a non-glutened average joe to a crazed monster causing havoc and damage to all those around.

    Fortunately for the Hulk, he couldn’t remember what he did as the monster!

    Reply
  31. 31

    IM

    I’m either Johnny English or Mr. Bean.

    Reply
  32. 32

    Tamara

    I develop foggy brain when I’m glutened and my sister says I have the memory of a goldfish.

    Nothing official, but I usually get goldfish puns thrown my way.

    Reply
  33. 33

    Jess Marshall

    Can’t say that I’ve ever been glutened, as I was diagnosed today. Only just started my gluten free journey. But how I am at the moment is definitely Reagan from The Exorcist. I’m sure many people have already said this. I’m talking power chucking pea soup and screaming profanities at anyone who has the gall to enter my bedroom. Although I’m sure Reagan never wrote a passive aggressive note and pinned it on her door warning everyone to stay the hell out. Maybe she should have.
    Or perhaps Lloyd, as in Dumb and Dumber, because I just went to post this and couldn’t for the life of me figure out the anti-spammer maths equation. Seriously, what’s 11+5?! Is eleven even a number? Duuuuuuuuuuh *drools*

    Reply
  34. 34

    Paula-momof8

    I can relate to Irishheart’s 7 dwarfs of gluten brain. Mine would be as follows : 1st 3 days after being glutened, It’s pukey, crampy and achy, God, I am dying, please make it stop/somebody just shoot me! When I am not in the bathroom expelling my insides, I am laying in the bed feeling like I have come down the worst case of the flu mixed with food poisoning that I could ever imagine. BY day 4 I morf into a mutated version of weepy,crampy,bloaty, grumpy,dopey, angry,sneezy,NO-SLEEPY(insomnia) followed by his twin SO- SLEEPY,and just leave me the heck alone! 0k so that is 10 dwarfs ;). The next few weeks zombie would be the word. I can’t think straight or concentrate. I can’t engage in intelligent conversation and I feel like death warmed over. Not sure what my gluten name would be. Maybe “Approach with Caution” or “Plain Crazy Witch!”

    Reply
  35. 35

    CR

    Ha! Just found this particular thread and boy, do I have a personality change. I completely relate to the multiple dwarves of gluten brain that have been described. I am normally a happy go lucky confident motivated nice person but on gluten I can be slightly evil or a huge cry baby. I cannot think straight, I don’t know what to do with myself, I stand in the kitchen looking blankly at my husband saying “I’m hungry”, I feel like a prize idiot, cannot possibly understand why he stays with me, and think that everything is horrible. The worse is that on gluten I can be evil to my wonderful husband and things come out of my mouth that I would never say to him normally. Fortunately, he knows this is not the real me and calls that version my evil twin. We are both happy when she is gone. Fortunately she is only visits for 2 to 3 days. The cry baby hangs around longer.

    Reply
  36. 36

    Beth

    I just found this thread. My gluten-exposed alter-ego is called I.M. Dying.

    Reply
  37. 37

    Catlover

    Helen Highwater-bad ass name with a literal bad ass feeling. Not just the poops but poopy attitude!

    Reply

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