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51 Comments

  1. 1

    Donna

    Monica, I am so VERY sorry to hear about the CRAP you have to deal with! What an A$$HOLE! If your boyfriend means that much to you then you just need to completely avoid his dad. There is absolutely NO reason you should be exposed to such stupidity! Know that we all have your back and KNOW what it is to have CD!!!!!!!!!!!! I go out to eat as little as possible. That used to be my husband and my “date night”. Now we say that our shopping trips are our “dates” lol! Chin up little buckaroo. Unfortunately it will not get any easier because people just don’t understand and they choose NOT to understand so we just have to deal!!!!!!!! Deal without HIM!!!!! ((((HUGS!!!!))))
    Know that you can ask for our help ANY time Monica!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  2. 2

    Lauren Schaad

    I would advise Monica’s boyfriend to step it up and help explain celiac disease to his father. Maybe she could cook a delicious meal for all of them, and he’ll see how tasty gluten-free can be. I agree with Donna, in that she should stay away from Dad if none of this works. No one needs that bad energy!

    Reply
  3. 3

    Becky

    I wonder how much has Monica said to her boyfriend? If she has told him how much his father’s words hurt her and he’s done nothing to stop it then he’s almost as guilty as his dad. Yes, my husband gets frustrated when I can’t eat somewhere he wants to go but he deals and is my biggest supporter and cheering section.

    If she has and the boyfriend has tried…..maybe they should try to find pamplets, videos, pictures, articles and such to show the boyfriend’s dad EXACTLY what happens to a Celiac’s body. Maybe he’s just not i formed at all that there is a difference between allergy and Celiac. (I know that is kind of a dumb statement because it’s blatently obvious he has no clue but trying a little devil’s advocate if the relationship with the boyfriend is solid :-/) Also, maybe the BF s dad is taking it personaly and thinks that she just doesn’t want to spend time with them since it’s obvious he doesn’t know about Celiac.

    Hang in there Monica. With this disease you have to watch out for yourself and protect yourself. You have to take the attitude “This is MY health and I’m not going to put it in jepardy for anyone. It’s too bad if you (other people) can’t deal”

    **Cyber hugs**

    Reply
  4. 4

    Miss Dee Meanor

    I am more concerned with how your boyfriend reacted to his father. Was your boyfriend present when his dad “tore “a massive strip out of you”? If so, how did he react? If not, how did he react when he found out this happened?

    You are investing time and emotions in a relationship with your boyfriend. His willingness to defend and protect you right now indicates what will happen to your relationship in the future. It is hard to cut ties with related family members (parents, siblings, spouses, children), but you can walk away from this toxicity right now.Do not waste a moment of your time with a boyfriend who doesn’t have your back at all times. If he didn’t rally on your behalf and explain this to his father and take action to see that it doesn’t happen in the future, then he may be the next one to “tear a massive strip of you” due to a disease you cannot change.

    I have stated this before, but I will say it again. My husband is the one who has my back at all times. He is also the one who stands firm with everyone and explains this disease when I think I can’t talk about it one more moment. You deserve to be safe. If your boyfriend or his father doesn’t “get” this, then walk away. Life is too short to waste your time on people who will for one second put you in harm’s way.

    Reply
    1. 4.1

      Becky

      AMEN! I agree with how you put it completely. It’s great when we have spouses that stick up for us and will pick up and take over when we have nothing left in us.

      I hope Monica is able to find that. If not with this guy, then someday.

      Reply
  5. 5

    Ann

    My in-laws and my family treat me like this. I have come to the end of my rope with them and simply avoid them. It has been a difficult decision put easier than dealing with family members who refuse to take my health seriously. This is abusive behaviour plan and simple. Having CD does not mean we have to put up with this type of ignorant behaviour. You wouldn’t put up with it for any other reason why do it for your health.

    Reply
    1. 5.1

      Donna

      Ann, My Mother in law actually told me that I could eat the turkey (cooked in a browning bag with flour in it)…all I had to do was scrape the flour off of the outside!!!! OMG!!!! Pure and simple stupidity!!!!!

      Reply
      1. 5.1.1

        Heather

        I get this all of the time.

        Reply
  6. 6

    Amber

    Maybe if he had a friendly little dose of rat poison sprinkled on his food he could begin to understand how we feel….not suggesting you poison him though…hee hee.

    Reply
  7. 7

    Sandra

    I’m fortunate to be surrounded by people who understand and are open to learning about Celiac so this makes me very sad. It must be some sort of ignorant control issue. Why on earth would anyone care weather you go out to eat with them or not? I say avoid the boyfriends dad all together. Some people are born with a stick up their ass that never leaves. If he ever has something seriously bad happen to him or is diagnosed with an incurable disease, you can then visit him and offer an antihistamine.

    Reply
  8. 8

    Tiffany

    My heart breaks thinking of the cruelty & lack of care others display. I’m sorry you experienced such hurt because of ignorance & simply a lack of decency in others. I have always believed your strength is far beyond those of the weak that have no compassion. The best advice I can offer is to remember you don’t need people in your life that trivialize this disease. Stand tall, set your boundaries & till then stay strong & do what is right for your life! You have a community that understands you…

    Reply
  9. 9

    My3withCD

    I agree with what everyone else has said: Your loved ones have to have your back. This disease/diet are hard enough WITH support. My girls weed through their friends according to who is supportive or not. There are plenty of folks out there who, when educated, are compassionate and understanding. Those are the REAL friends.

    College kids are always eating out and of course the places to eat gluten free often cost a little more. My girls try to balance with their friends where to eat based on GF sometimes and not GF but cheaper others. Those other times they will eat before going out and just get a soda to sip so that they can enjoy the company. We all know we have to be flexible like that. However, we do NOT have to put up with ignorant idiots!

    Good luck, honey! There are lots of us out here rooting for you!!! Be firm and be safe!! No one is worth compromising your health!!!

    Reply
  10. 10

    Yup

    I guess the only advice I can give you, is that you are not alone! Unfortunately, I deal with this with my father-in-law as well. The worst part is, is that he is a doctor! And because of this he thinks he knows everything. My mother-in-law is very supportive and he will chastise her when she is being careful, saying a little bit won’t hurt me. After trying to educate him and that not working, I have chosen to just ignore him. When he makes demeaning comments I walk away. I know what I will and will not eat and have learned I don’t get anywhere by making any more of a fuss. I also will be doing what others have suggested and will spend as little time as possible with my in-laws. It’s unfortunate and luckily my husband is very supportive, but no one is going to change my FIL’s opinion. I can’t change ignorance, but I can change how I live my life and that will be with as little participation from him as possible.

    Reply
    1. 10.1

      The Gluten Dude

      He’s a doctor? A doctor???? And you need to educate him??

      Ignorance at its finest.

      Reply
  11. 11

    NaturalMama

    Wow, been there! My husband’s family has been a complete pain in my backside about CD from day 1. His father would even occasionally try to put a bit of gluten in my food just to “prove” that I was faking it!!

    There are still members of his family that don’t believe I am sick, or – now that I’m pregnant – have suggested that my children will be somehow “defective” because I don’t eat gluten and must therefore be missing out on key nutrients and so forth.

    I handle it in a way that essentially makes them look stupid and uninformed. I outright ask things like, “Oh, so you’ve spoken with my OB about my case? You know she specializes in high risk pregnancies, and she’s one of the best doctors in the city. What did she tell you about my case? Nothing? So you’re a better expert on a disease you think isn’t even real than an actual medical doctor who has been dealing with these types of cases for over 25 years? I see. If you don’t mind, I’ll take my doctor’s advice. She uses science to make sure my baby is healthy, not emotions because I couldn’t go to some pasta place for your last birthday.” Otherwise I had my husband (who was then my boyfriend) drop off articles and blogs such as this one to his family, showing how completely INSENSITIVE AND STUPID people can be about this illness. For some people, it’s worked, for others, it’s led to the idea that sites like this (and others like celiac.com) are just propaganda and lies. Why anyone would make multiple websites for a fake disease baffles the mind. I also got the, “It’s because she doesn’t want to spend time with us” BS from them as well … from day 1 no less. To be fair, at the start of our relationship, I had nothing against these people and looked forward to getting to know them. Of course, accusing me of such stupidity has made me want to avoid them, so it was kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy on their part. Now I avoid them because they’re assholes! Food has nothing to do with it!!

    Sometimes it’s hard to stand up to our in-laws (or potential future in-laws), but I think you should. your boyfriend definitely should as well, but you can’t leave it all in his hands. Make sure he has your back, and when the time comes, just hand the old man some documents and very clearly say “My disease is not imaginary. It’s not exaggerated, and I resent you thinking you know more than my doctor about something you’d never even heard of until you met me. Now, I’m willing to have a relationship with you, but if you’re going to constantly condemn me for something I have no more control over than say, a diabetic, then the problem is yours. I’m willing to get to know you OUTSIDE of food, but if food is such an important part of your life that you would deliberately insult and hurt someone with a disease you don’t understand, then that, Sir, is discrimination. There’s more to me than gluten-free living, and if you can’t see beyond that, then I’m sorry your prejudice has prevented you from getting to know someone who makes your own son very happy. The problem is not my diet, it’s your prejudice. End of story.”

    He may snap out of it, he may tell you off, or he may (in the case of my father-in-law) outright choose to hate you and not even come to your wedding! Either way, stand up for yourself. There’s nothing wrong with having CD and nothing wrong with wanting to be treated as a human being and not a set of dietary restrictions!

    Know that WE are on your side!!

    Reply
    1. 11.1

      Ann

      why call him “sir” too much respect for someone who treats you like crap. My sister is the same; makes a salad, cuts some bread then touches the salad with her crumby hands so I say…that salad is now not safe for me…her response…oh please give me a break you need to see a shrink as you obviously haven’t dealt with what it means to have CD. in her twisted mind I am supposed to take unnecessary risk rather than inconvenience her.

      Reply
  12. 12

    The Gluten Dude

    “His father would even occasionally try to put a bit of gluten in my food just to “prove” that I was faking it!!”

    Holy crap!! What is it about celiac disease that brings out the worst in people?

    Reply
    1. 12.1

      Wendy

      It is quite amazing.

      Dumbfounds me, exhausts me, irritates me, makes me crazy mad, and unfortunately hardens me a bit more every day or so.

      Reply
      1. 12.1.1

        NaturalMama

        There have been some good folks in my life as well, so I try to stay optimistic about my CD, but yeah, we don’t speak to his father anymore. The guy’s a total jerk.

        Reply
  13. 13

    NaturalMama

    The guy was a real sociopath. Like, “Thank you jackass for bringing me one step closer to cancer … and for making me sit on the toilet for 4 consecutive days. I really, REALLY needed to miss all those days of work and such.” But of course, because I didn’t get sick INSTANTLY, that was enough ‘proof’ for him to believe CD isn’t real!

    Reply
    1. 13.1

      Andrea

      ” because I didn’t get sick INSTANTLY, that was enough ‘proof’ ”

      That is what I get all the time! So, if I don’t start projectile vomiting or pass out and go into anaphylactic shock moments after consuming gluten then it must all be my imagination. Maybe when I am spending the next several days on the toilet I should call and invite them to join me?

      Reply
      1. 13.1.1

        NaturalMama

        Yeah, I kind of love that response. I mean, telling people that we have a gluten “allergy” is kind of a layman’s term, but sitting there explaining the whole immunodeficiency aspect of the disease can be long and tiresome the first time you meet a person (especially in a restaurant), so people assume you’ll swell up like a balloon, barf across the table, go into spasms, stop breathing, or need an epipen. You don’t know how many times I’ve been asked why I don’t carry an epipen, and because I don’t – well then, the disease must be fake!

        It really annoys me that people have such a limited understanding of this disease, and think that because they know what anaphylaxis is, that EVERY dietary restriction must fall into the same category. What about lactose intolerance? What about diabetes? I mean, I realize there are people who cheat on those diets, but is it beyond the realm of comprehension that we CANNOT cheat on our diets? Are people’s minds so narrow and pathetic that OUR disease MUST mimic the dietary standards of all other diseases they happen to be familiar with or remotely sympathetic about? Why is it so difficult to accept that this disease is a thing in and of itself?

        Ugh, stupid people annoy me to no end!

        Reply
      2. 13.1.2

        Heather

        HA!! I say the same thing to my friends that were giving me a hard time.

        Reply
  14. 14

    Lisa

    Tell your boyfriend’s dad what I told my hubby recently: Gluten to a celiac is like concentrated rat poison. How safe would he feel eating *anything* if there was concentrated rat poison invisibly sprinkled over *every* surface of his house? How safe would he feel even bringing his hands to his mouth if he had to deal with a situation like that? Could he trust *anyone* to make him a meal he could safely eat if the kitchen was invisibly coated in rat poison? And yes, Monica, I’m incredibly sensitive as well, so I know where you’re coming from not even wanting to *enter* a restaurant (or even a residence!) where they make bread since it does take up to 48 hours for that flour to settle from the air!

    Reply
  15. 15

    Diana

    The problem people have with celiac is you have to think what it involves. It’ s not just one ingredient
    People put you down to hide their their ignorance. My sister use to tell
    me she couldn’t remember what I couldn’t have so she
    made what e everyone else liked. I told her I would be back when she figured it out. Once I missed a few family parties they got with the program

    Reply
  16. 16

    Aloha Julie

    Monica, there is no reason for anyone to be that abusive. I too am curious as to how your boyfriend reacted to his father’s rant? I think everyone is right on here, and your bf needs to back you up, and talk to his father about his behavior.

    I hope that you can resolve the situation by trying to educate this man, but if he is not willing to learn, I would not have anything to do with him, this is your life we are talking about, and it is just as important as his life. This is the very reason that having celiac disease is so hard, and why GD gets upset when celebrities tout a GF diet.

    While I’m here I wanted to share what happened to me yesterday. I went to a rest. that I’ve been to twice before, (it is new), They have GF all over the menu. Each time I went, I spoke to the chef about having celiac disease and told him my concerns about cross contamination. He assured me that certain items are cooked in their own GF pan, etc. So far so good. Went back a 3rd time,(yesterday) spoke with the chef again to remind him of my celiac disease, he said he remembered me and that they are still being careful. I order the same dish as the last 2 times, “sizzling shrimp” comes in its own little iron skillet, but this time the dish has a huge chunk of bread laying on top. Seriously? I had spoken to the chef not 20 min before. The menu has a big GF next to this dish. I complained to the server, and he rolled his eyes, I said, you can’t take this to the kitchen, remove the bread and bring this back out to me. Another eye roll. The chef never came back out to apologize, and I decided I could not take any chances. So, I did not eat. Everyone else is munching on all sorts of goodies. However, I am not sick today. On the way home my hubby said, Julie, you just can’t eat out.

    Reply
    1. 16.1

      Donna

      Wow Julie…This has happened to me several times. I will ask for a salad with NO croutons after explaining CD. I get my salad…croutons are all over it. I explained, as you did, that you CANNOT take this back to the kitchen and remove the croutons. I have to have another salad made. Just as you did..I just didn’t trust them and did not eat it. ROLLED HIS EYES at you? I would have gotten up and left the restaurant!!!! What an asswipe!

      Reply
      1. 16.1.1

        IrishHeart

        If you guys ever get a salad with croutons, I want you to dump salad dressing all over it BEFORE sending it back to the kitchen.

        That way, you can be sure you get a fresh one. ;)

        Also, before eating any salad, check through it—right to the bottom of the bowl…someone told me she ate the whole salad she thought was okay, only to find one lone crouton chunk hiding on the bottom.

        :(

        Reply
  17. 17

    J

    Holy mother of pearl. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hope your boyfriend is understanding and hope that he steps it up against his father.

    I always say this here and other places we are missing something called respect. This is what it boils down to. No gosh darn manner anymore just idiocy and stupidity.

    Drag that man to the doctor with you. Print out information for him. Talking to him calmly. If you’ve tried everything and nothing works, perhaps avoiding him all together. so sorry.

    Geez.

    On another note, if anyone ever tried to purposely gluten me…I’d need to get a lawyer. that is the most evil thing…people are so rude, they are so insecure with the dietary choices of others…get over it. Geez!!!

    Reply
  18. 18

    Gaby

    I would add that some people are equally horrible to diabetics and peanut allergy sufferers. Don’t ask me why…certainly lack of understanding is at the heart of it–but there’s a component of dominance/torture that I just can’t wrap my brain around.
    I’ve had so many bad experiences (though not from folks as close to my heart as some of yours) that I almost dispair of reaching the over 40 crowd at this point (and I am a baby boomer myself). And the “glamour diet” issue that our favorite Gluten Dude writes about doesn’t help.
    Where I do see hope is in the rising generation. My sons, ages 14 and 17 are both diagnosed with CD and their friends are experts in all things gluten. These kids are smart and funny and protective of their buddies. They spread the word wherever they go, they are never embarassed to speak up, and they expect others to pay attention because they know Celia is serious stuff. They will make rockin’ boyfriends and husbands and fathers.
    Best to you, dear Monica, with this control-freak of a guy…and with taking care of yourself no matter what.

    Reply
  19. 19

    Amanda

    personally, I would send him to this blog. maybe then he would see how he is not only hurting you, but just how stupid he’s been too. I’m sure its important you you and your boyfriend that you have a good relationship with his dad, so I can tell that patience is running thin here. Good luck, and get that man educated!

    Reply
  20. 20

    IrishHeart

    Everyone has offered you excellent advice and there is not much more I can add, except this:

    Give him some startling medical information to read that explains the various diseases associated with untreated celiac (like diabetes, kidney disease, heart disease and cancer) —-so he can understand WHY even a little gluten is not okay.

    Gluten is poison to a celiac. Anthrax. Kryptonite. Use whatever word will make him pay attention.

    I do not know how serious your relationship with this boyfriend is, but if you are thinking of a future with him, his family will be a part of your life and your children’s lives.

    You’re going to be dealing with “DAD” for a long time.

    If you have to live with a FIL that disrespects you this much—well, that’s going to be a long, unhappy and stress-filled life, kiddo.

    If your BF does not help you or defend you fully, then you may need a better BF. My hubs would never tolerate anyone speaking to me this way.

    YOUR HEALTH COMES FIRST. Educate him and see if he comes around. If not, well….you have some thinking to do.

    Just my two cents. Best wishes to you!

    Reply
    1. 20.1

      Donna

      Irish…even after explaining in great detail to my MIL she STILL doesn’t get it. I just bring my own food to her house cuz she could really give two $hits about my health. I even told her that eating gluten was like eating rat poison and she STILL doesn’t get it! The only reason she has FINALLY accepted my Fibromyalgia diagnosis is that one of her best friends has it and is on total disability because of it. HELLO? How freakin’ stupid can you be? Honestly!!!!!!!! I push myself HARD every morning to go to work and I do mean PUSH. I am in so much pain in the morning…morning is the worst time for me…that I could curl up in a ball and die. Anyways…back on subject! :) Even educating SOME people does no good. It is like talking to a rock. I would advise her to certainly TRY to educate him, but I get the feeling that he wouldn’t accept even the written word!!!!!!!! I TOTALLY agree with you in that if the FIL doesn’t accept the diagnosis and continues to do the evil stuff that he does and boyfriend says nothing…he needs to be kicked to the curb!!!!!!

      Reply
      1. 20.1.1

        IrishHeart

        I hear ya, sistah!!….sometimes we can only do so much, talk so much, educate so much…..and then, we have to give it up.

        My dear Daddy used to say “When you argue with a fool, now there are 2 fools arguing”

        :)

        PS I do not know how long you have been GF, but I am hoping your fibro symptoms resolve for you. Most people come to find they do not have “fibro” at all, rather, their joint/muscle/connective tissue pain was caused by the celiac. I was told to “get a scooter” to get around 4 years ago and learn to live with this debilitating pain. I heard the fibro word back in the 90’s, but I never believed it was what I had. I lived in burning agony. Could not even lift my arms or dress myself at times……but, last week, I kayaked !! and I am swimming again and lifting 2 lb weights and walking almost a mile 2 times a week….. Never give up hope that your body can rebound off the poisonous gluten. okay? okay! :)

        Reply
  21. 21

    Amanda

    I have very ignoant and frankly ‘thick’ in-laws that don’t have a clue about coeliac, They try sometimes, I got given a cake and was told it’s fine, it doesn’t have milk in it!! Maybe they’re confusing coeliac with calcium!! When we go to them for dinner they like to do a roast beef which they coat in flour, on top of this my father in law likes to dip his bread in the dripping which is then used for the gravy later on! So as a result I’m reluctant to eat there. They get annoyed with my attitude! However, one time they said they were cooking two beefs, one especially for me, I didn’t see the evidence and worryingly in the past my husband has threatened to make me believe he’s done something like this when actually he hasn’t, just to prove it’s all in my head! Well maybe she did make me a separate one, maybe she didn’t but I was seriously ill the following day.

    Reply
    1. 21.1

      Amanda S

      Just realised there’s another Amanda on the site, so to differentiate I’ve added an S to my name!

      Reply
    2. 21.2

      IrishHeart

      The meat may be GF yes, but she still cooked it in her oven with the other roast and she may have handled it after she handled the one coated with flour, basted it, used the same utensils,carved with the same knife, on the same butting board….etc.

      My first Thanksgiving after diagnosis, I was still very ill, but I went home to my sister’s and she had very generously made me a separate, un-stuffed turkey. I was still new to all this and because I had brought my own GF roll and gravy from a GF cafe, I thought I could eat the turkey, plain veggies and mashed potatoes. She had also made me a GF cake for my birthday. All very sweet. Of course, I was in the bathroom promptly after dinner, but that was not unusual back then.

      So, imagine my horror when I was washing the dishes with my niece, only to discover ONE turkey baster. Meaning, she has basted the breading-stuffed turkey and mine with the same one–all day long.

      sigh.

      They get the part about “no gluten ingredients”; but the concept of cross contamination is not an easy concept to grasp. Many celiacs do not even get it sometimes and wonder why they remain ill.
      Many celiacs think it is okay to cheat occassionally, too. I still do not understand that, but I am still down and out 12 after after a glutening
      from a restaurant who “seemed” to understand what GF means..

      How on earth can a celiac “make up” weight loss, malnutrition, hair loss, nerve pain, insomnia? How can this be in anyone’s head?

      I find that kind of thinking on the part of family members infuriating.

      The next time someone suggests to any of you that you are making this up, ask them “what would be my motive?” and see what they say. They are, essentially, calling you a whackjob and they are in denial that you are afflicted with a potentially life-threatening disease.

      Reply
      1. 21.2.1

        IrishHeart

        haha! I just read my typo…butting board…should be “cutting” of course

        Reply
        1. 21.2.1.1

          IrishHeart

          wow, I see I had a few other typos…so sorry guy :(…it’s early, I feel lousy and this kind of treatment of a fellow celiac makes me very upset.

          It’s bullying, plain and simple.

          Reply
      2. 21.2.2

        Amanda S (UK)

        Hi I hadn’t even thought about that with the same utensils being used! Shame on me, I should have realised that! That is most certainly what happened, as you say they would not realise about the contamination stuff even though I have tried to explain.

        I am one of the people affected that doesn’t always catch on to the contamination stuff, probably shouldn’t admit that, but wasn’t really taking it that seriously until now! I once worked in a place where they had a canteen and each day I’d go for a jacket potato thinking it would be the safest option. But each day I’d get back to my desk and feel sick and have cramps. It eventually dawned on me that the knife they were using to add butter to my potato was the same knife they used for buttering the bread! It was caked in crumbs! Well when the penny finally dropped I had to pay for the individually wrapped butter and I was okay afterwards!

        Thanks for your opinion, I’ve been very naive about this but am now taking it far more seriously!

        Reply
        1. 21.2.2.1

          IrishHeart

          This is a constant learning process, Amanda; do not be so hard on yourself! :)

          Have you ever read this?

          http://www.practicalgastro.com/pdf/September08/HlywiakArticle.pdf

          or this?

          http://celiacdisease.about.com/od/cookingglutenfree/a/crosscontaminat.htm

          maybe those will offer some insight?
          Cheers!

          Reply
          1. 21.2.2.1.1

            Amanda S (UK)

            Thanks, I will have a good look later. I’ve been very lazy about learning, I think i’ve been in denial a bit but recently have heard a couple of stories that have made me sit up and think! Also, know someone who has this illness and they have had for a lot longer than me and I knew them before I was diagnosed. She doesn’t take it seriously at all, I once had a bbq and told her which foods she could and couldn’t eat but she said she wasn’t worried she’d eat anything she fancied! Well, hearing that gave me the impression I didn’t need to be as strict as I was, that said, I don’t go out of my way to eat gluten containing foods, but her attitude made me think maybe I was going a little bit over the top at times. I now realise that she’s just not being careful enough but for her in fairness she’s only 17 so she’s not going to think the same I suppose and she’s also diabetic so she has enough to worry about with that. Anyway, thanks for the advice!

            Reply
          2. 21.2.2.1.2

            Amanda S (UK)

            Hi

            Have just read those links, thanks! Again I’ve been a bit naive with the labelling! If I don’t see contains wheat, barley or Rye I generally think it’s okay to use, although I do avoid malt vinegar and try to be careful about eating things containing oats. But never gave a thought to things containing modified starch! That has now made me thin!

            Also when it comes to toasting bread, although I generally don’t eat gluten free bread anyway as I don’t particularly like it, however, I do put a piece of tin foil on the contaminated tray but I toast it beside normal bread! I assume so long as it’s not touching my bread and am careful about washing my hands in between buttering the normal bread and mine it should be okay but now am wondering if that’s the case?! I never use the same knife or surface to do the buttering or even the same butter, but is it a huge problem toasting bread in this way? I am lucky enough to have a range oven but I don’t use one side for my things and the other for everyone else, I tried but I didn’t keep it up, do you think I should be using separate ovens? One thing I am definitely going to change as a result of reading things on this site is my use of normal cake flour! I am trying to establish a cake making business, but telling people they’re eating gluten free cakes usually puts them off, sometimes I don’t tell them and they rave about the cakes, it’s obviously psychological but as a result I have been making normal cakes when people ask for them. From now on I will just make gluten free ones, just need to decide how to promote them without making a huge issue of the fact that they are GF, don’t want to deceive people so won’t, but at the same time don’t want to put people off ordering them! Thanks again for your help. Hopefully once I re-think the way I live I will finally start to feel healthy!

            Reply
  22. 22

    Amanda S (UK)

    Just re-read my comments and realised I put ‘that’s now made me thin (I wish!) that was meant to say that’s made me think!

    Reply
    1. 22.1

      IrishHeart

      Modified wheat starch in the US will say “CONTAINS: WHEAT” right on the package (thank you, Food Labeling Laws!!)

      Most food starch is NOT derived from wheat anymore anyway.
      It can be tapioca, corn or potato.

      However, I do not know what is done in the UK, so I am not sure what to tell you about that, hon. Sorry.

      And I have chatted with several Europeans who cannot tolerate the Codex Wheat Starch, which some say is perfectly safe for celiacs to use over there.

      Reply
  23. 23

    Laura Bachner

    Here is an easy solution to this one. A part of being with someone is taking their needs into consideration and vice versa. If he is not supportive of this, he is not for you.
    You deserve being treated with respect and have a right to feel heard and understood as well as having your significant other show that respect. He needs to understand that when it comes to everything for the most part that you eat and drink, you have to be especially vigiliant. If he cannot put this as a priority, dump his ass as there are better men out there for you!!!

    Reply
  24. 24

    Renee

    my bf doesn’t even believe Celiac disease is a real thing. I feel it will end our relationship because I’m sick of him acting like jerk.

    Reply
    1. 24.1

      Gluten Dude

      I’m very sad for you…sorry. Feel free to send him to my blog. He’ll get the picture real quick. If he doesn’t come around, not much of a BF.

      Reply
      1. 24.1.1

        Renee

        He says it’s a fad because it never existed when he was a kid, which isn’t true. I even told him I’ve gotten internal bleeding… He still dosen’t take it seriously. He says the fact that he’s stuck around is proof enough he loves me. He makes no effort to brush his teeth and when I worry about cross contamination he roles his eyes and makes snide remarks. I’d rather be single than worry about being sick all of the time.

        Reply
        1. 24.1.1.1

          Wendy - Palmtreesandglutenfree

          Definitely time to walk away. This is not love. So many more fish in the sea. I would love to deck this guy. I am so sorry, but you are right ..
          Single would be 100% better.

          Reply
  25. 25

    Nicolasa

    My first thoughts were what did the boyfriend do/say? I like the rat poison idea. Maybe put the can of rat poison on the table and hand him the phone with poison control on speed dial, a bucket, and some toliet paper and say now I really tried to keep the poison off your food and I use the nice slow release kind but here’s all the supplies you’ll need after you eat here in case I wasn’t careful enough. UGGGGG I’m lucky to have my husband stand up for me when needed. The most recent time was over Christmas with my mother-in-law who constantly asks me if I can have this or that and I respond with very nicely “I have to read the label” and her response in front of people “I don’t want to hear that anymore – lets come up with a different word for that” and as I was walking away to other people ” I know she has to read the label she doesn’t need to say that” WELL THEN WHY WOULD YOU ASK. I never expect people to cater me and I prefer they wouldn’t its just to risky and I can read on my own to determine what I can and can’t have. I don’t need to be asked if I’m interested I’ll look into it. My wonderful husband called her out on it and her only worry was that she would lose him because he’d have to side with his wife and she didn’t like our wedding and I don’t call her enough. Really???? No apologies though needless to say there’s a frost on our relationship now. I was at Wal-Mart the other day and was in the pasta sauce aisle and happened to see GF Pasta and I read the label and it said it was made in a facility with wheat and I told my husband this is why I have to read labels and I should send it to your mother he agreed – at least I have him…Chin up if this boyfriend didn’t stand up for you find one that will – they are out there.

    Reply

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