Ever wonder what it’s like to have celiac disease? Of course you do. Let me take you through 24 hours of my life and see what a
pain in the ass joy it is to have celiac.
The Day: Saturday, October 15, 2011
7:00am: Wake up. Crave coffee. Make coffee. Drink coffee. So far, so good.
7:30am: My first hunger pang. Luckily, breakfast is probably the easiest meal to figure out. Plenty of good gluten-free cereals on the market. Pour a bowl of Gorilla Munch with almond milk. Half-way thru meal, stomach hurts already. Dump the rest out. On a side note, I once offered my daughter’s friends some Gorilla Munch, and she was absolutely horrified. Note to company: perhaps not the best choice for the name of a food.
7:40am: Bathroom trip. Will spare you the details.
12:00pm: Make lunch. 3 eggs and an Udi’s bagel. Forget to put the toaster on the bagel setting and burn the crap out of my bagel. Rats. Eat it anyway.
12:40pm: All packed and ready to go for an overnight in Philly (30 minutes away). We have a charity event to attend.
12:41pm: Realize I haven’t packed any food for my journey. Open my gluten free drawer and throw a potpourri of items in a bag: Twigs & Sticks, 3 bananas, 2 Kind bars, almonds and pistachios. Way to plan ahead Dude.
3:00pm: Arrive in Philly and immediately think food. Simply cannot risk eating out and ruining my night (and next six months) by getting glutened. Play it safe and get some sushi (the Dude’s favorite).
5:00pm: Go up to the top floor of hotel for some free appies and beverages. Everything looks awesome. And dangerous. I ask the server if the tuna is ok. She checks with the chef. Says it’s fine. Gives me ingredients. Includes soy sauce. Sigh. Watch everyone else eat.
6:30pm: Arrive at charity event. Cocktail hour first. Wow…everything looks great. I eat a carrot. Head to the bar.
8:00pm: First dinner course is served. We planned ahead to let the hotel know my dilemma but the server seems really annoyed when I remind him. Brings salad out. Remind him AGAIN I cannot eat gluten. Takes salad back. Brings back a plate of lettuce. Head back to bar.
9:00pm: Main course. Steak and shrimp over a sweet potato puree. As long as I don’t have the sauce on top, server assures me it’s totally safe. Must eat so I have no choice. Really good, but hard to enjoy as I just can’t be sure it’s ok.
10:00pm: Dessert served. Not even close.
1:00am: Back at the hotel lobby. Everybody drinking. Everybody starving. Somebody goes out and brings back 20 slices of all kinds of pizza. Everybody enjoys. Well, not everybody.
2:00am: Call it a night. Already mourning the next morning’s breakfast that I won’t be able to eat.
9:00am: Breakfast. Everyone complaining about all the crap they ate the night before.
Eat my fresh fruit and smile.
Hmmm…maybe having celiac isn’t so bad after all.